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In a shocking twist to the American political landscape, a rogue candidate named "Patriot Dollar" has unveiled a revolutionary campaign platform that promises to "redefine taxation under the Constitution" using a time machine. The candidate, a self-proclaimed Constitutionnal Futurist," claims to have consulted with founding fathers via a quantum communication device, which he claims is an updated version of the "iFoundingFathers" app.

The centerpiece of "Patriot Dollar's" platform is the "Futuristic Constitutional Amendment Act," which, if passed, would authorize the use of a "temporal tax collector" to ensure that taxes are paid in accordance with the "original intent" of the Constitution. The candidate, dressed in a colonial wig and a space helmet, claims that this will "finally fix the tax code, once and for all, by bringing in the experts from the future."

Supporters of the campaign, who call themselves the "Time-Honored Progressives," argue that this approach is the only way to address the complexities of modern taxation. "Why limit ourselves to the wisdom of our past when we can augment it with the knowledge of our future?" asks spokesperson, "Temporal Tom." Critics, however, are skeptical, with many calling the proposal "constitutionally questionable" and "historically anachronistic."

The campaign has promised to release a detailed plan outlining how the temporal tax collector would function, including the specific time periods from which tax experts would be recruited. Early leaks suggest that the campaign is considering hiring Benjamin Franklin as the chief advisor, given his famous quip about death and taxes, and Alexander Hamilton for his financial expertise.

In a bid to win over the tech-savvy youth vote, "Patriot Dollar" has also promised to integrate blockchain technology into the new tax system, ensuring that "every dollar collected is as transparent as the Declaration of Independence." The candidate has even suggested that the blockchain could be used to record the taxes owed by the founding fathers themselves, "settling the debt of the revolution once and for all."

As the campaign gains momentum, the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has issued a statement saying, "While we appreciate the initiative to modernize taxation, we advise the public to wait for official announcements from the government before considering any changes to their tax-filing habits."

In a statement that has since gone viral, "Patriot Dollar" responded, "The government has been warning us about the dangers of time travel for too long. It's time we take matters into our own hands and ensure that our tax system is as enduring as the Constitution itself."

The future of taxation in the United States has never been more unpredictable, and as the campaign continues to gather support, one thing is clear: the battle for the fiscal soul of the nation is about to get a whole lot more interstellar.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.