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In an explosive expose that has sent shockwaves through the political sphere, renowned investigative journalist, Penny L. Lane, uncovered a scandal so deep-rooted in the fabric of American democracy that it has, in fact, shaped the very policies we hold dear today. The scandal? A centuries-old, intergalactic conspiracy involving the founding fathers of the Democratic Party, a race of extraterrestrial tax collectors, and a secret pact that has dictated taxation policies since the dawn of the republic.

According to the meticulously researched article, the Democratic Party's penchant for "fair" taxation has its origins in a clandestine deal with the Zaxbortarians, a sophisticated race of beings from the Andromeda Galaxy known for their expertise in fiscal policy and their penchant for Earth's diverse terrestrial species. The deal, inked with an ink derived from the tears of a rare, endangered species of intergalactic phoenix, promised the Zaxbortarians exclusive rights to Earth's wealth in exchange for their guidance in drafting tax codes that would, ostensibly, benefit the common citizen.

The expose details how this ancient pact has influenced the Democratic Party's stance on taxation, with past and present political figures, including President 'Biden-esque,' subtly hinting at their extraterrestrial consultants with cryptic remarks during state of the union addresses and press conferences. For instance, when 'Biden-esque' famously stated, "We must look to the stars to find the solutions to our terrestrial taxation woes," many dismissed it as poetic fancy. However, Lane's investigation now suggests this was a coded message to the Zaxbortarians, signaling her intention to maintain the status quo.

Furthermore, the article delves into the historical evidence, citing a number of odd artifacts and texts, such as the 'Tax Code of Ptolemy IX,' which some historians now believe to be an early draft of what would later become the Zaxbortarian Tax Model. The model, which advocates for a progressive taxation system where the rate increases with the number of solar system trips a citizen takes, has been a cornerstone of Democratic taxation policy for centuries.

As public outrage and conspiracy theories swirl around the revelations, political experts and citizens alike are left to ponder the true nature of their representatives' allegiances. Some demand a full investigation into the Democratic Party's ties with the Zaxbortarians, while others dismiss the claims as nothing more than a political satire piece with too much time on its hands.

In response, the Democratic Party has released a statement, declaring the article "a work of pure fiction, intended to entertain rather than inform." They maintain that their policies are strictly Earth-centric and driven by the needs of the American people, not the whims of otherworldly beings.

However, the seeds of doubt have been planted, and as the citizens of Earth look to the skies, they can't help but wonder: Is our political system truly of this world, or have we been taxed among the stars all along?

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.