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In a stunning turn of events, the nation's most recent constitutional amendment has declared video games as the official language of the United States. Dubbed the "Interactive Fluency Act" (IFA), this groundbreaking legislation has mandated that all American citizens must achieve a minimum level of gaming proficiency by their 25th birthday or face the wrath of the IRS in the form of a hefty "Gamer's Tithe."

The IFA, which was passed unanimously by a congress filled with lawmakers who admittedly "couldn't tell a joystick from a joust," has set forth a series of gaming milestones that citizens must achieve. These include beating the legendary final boss of "Super Ninja Quest: The Odyssey of the Pixelated Warrior" or reaching the elusive "High King of the Skyrim" status. Failure to complete these tasks will result in a yearly tax of $10,000, levied against the citizen's virtual assets.

In a press conference, President Progamer II, aka President Fidget Spinner, announced, "Our forefathers envisioned a nation where life, liberty, and the pursuit of the highest difficulty setting in 'Mario Bros.' would be inalienable rights. This amendment is not just about gaming; it's about unity, it's about the future. It's about making sure your character's inventory is always fully optimized."

In response to the new law, the Federal Bureau of Gaming Standards (FBGS) has been established to monitor and enforce gaming competence across the nation. Agents, armed with controllers and a passion for quest logs, will be making unannounced visits to households to ensure compliance with the IFA's gaming milestones.

The IRS, seeing an opportunity to diversify its revenue streams, has declared that all in-game currency, collectible items, and rare loot will be subject to taxation. "We're just ensuring that everyone pays their fair share," said IRS Commissioner, Ms. Pixel Patterson. "If you're making virtual gold, we want our cut. And by our cut, I mean enough to fund a fleet of government-issued super yachts."

Meanwhile, on the streets, the response has been mixed. "I can't believe they're taxing my rare Pokémon cards," said Sarah Gamer, a passionate collector and part-time Twitch streamer. "But on the bright side, I might finally be able to afford college with all these new tax breaks for gaming scholarships."

As the nation braces for this new era of gaming-centric governance, one thing is clear: the world will never be the same. And for those who struggle to achieve the required gaming levels, there's always the option to enlist in the newly formed "Gamer's Army," a specialized force of elite players who have vowed to protect the homeland from any and all invading aliens or rogue AI systems.

The future of America is in the hands of its gamers, and the only currency they will accept is in-game credits and unlimited continues. The quest for national gaming supremacy has begun, and it's time for every American to level up.

Can't get enough of politics? Play Impeached 2 and become President of the U.S. today!

This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.