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In an unprecedented turn of events, the Republican President, known for his staunch scienceience stance, has been impeached not for a scandal of personal misconduct or political chicanery, but for a rather peculiar reason: refusing to acknowledge the existence of gravity.

The saga began when President Rocketfists, during a rousing Independence Day speech, notoriously declared his independence from the "so-called scientific law" of gravity. Claiming it was a deep state conspiracy to undermine the American spirit, the President asserted that with enough determination and patriotism, one could indeed float above the Earth like a bald eagle on a freedom wind.

The House of Representatives, led by a coalition of scientists and members who had unearthed their elementary school science textbooks, swiftly initiated impeachment proceedings. The Senate trial, which doubled as an impromptu physics lesson, saw Senators throwing documents and legislative binders into the air to demonstrate the irrefutable evidence of gravity.

The trial's star witness was none other than Sir Isaac Newton, who, via hologram, recounted his apple-induced epiphany and the subsequent laws of motion. Newton's testimony, while compelling, was reportedly overshadowed by his bizarre insistence on predicting the weather with an apple and a sextant.

In a surprise twist, the President's defense team, composed of a group of stuntmen and magicians, attempted to levitate the President using a combination of stage wizardry and antigravity technology. The stunt, while visually impressive, failed to sway the Senate, which declared the President's defiance of science as an impeachable offense against the laws of nature and common sense.

The impeachment of President Rocketfists has since been hailed as a watershed moment in American history, signaling a new era where science is not just respected but held as a sacrosanct pillar of governance. Scholars and historians alike have already begun to carve out chapters dedicated to this event, ensuring that the name President Rocketfists will be remembered not just for his time in office, but for the monumental fall from grace that became the gravest (pun intended) moment of his presidency.

As the dust settles and the President faces a future of grounded decisions, the nation can only hope that this historical event serves as a reminder that, indeed, what goes up must come down—unless, of course, we're talking about the potential for human progress, which, one would hope, is bound only by the stars.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.