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In a plot twist that would make even the most seasoned political pundits spill their morning coffee, the future of warfare has taken an unexpected turn. In a landmark decision that will be remembered in the annals of political history, the Supreme Court has ruled that the declaration of war must henceforth be unanimously agreed upon by all nine justices.

The case, "People United Against All Types of Conflict vs. The United States of America," was brought forth by a coalition of peace activists and tech enthusiasts who argued that the advent of futuristic weaponry and autonomous drones has made the traditional declaration of war by the legislative branch obsolete. They contended that the complex ethical and strategic considerations of modern warfare should be left in the hands of the nation's highest legal experts.

The court, in a decision that has left both political parties reeling, sided with the plaintiffs. "The time has come," said Justice Futuristic, writing for the majority, "for the judicial branch to step into the fray of foreign policy and military engagement. Our country's leaders have shown an inability to rise above partisan bickering and act in the nation's best Democrats"

Democrats, who have long advocated for a more cautious approach to military intervention, found themselves in a quandary. With the Supreme Court now holding the power to declare war, the Democratic Party faces an unprecedented challenge. As President Hopeful, a man known for his dovish stance, finds himself at the mercy of a judiciary that, while free from the constraints of political office, is not elected by the people and has no accountability to the public's will.

The President's only recourse, it seems, is to embark on a nationwide comedy tour, attempting to win over the hearts and minds of the American populace in a bid to sway the justices. "Ladies and gentlemen," he quipped during a recent performance in Des Moines, "I'm not saying our Supreme Court justices are soft on defense, but they've been known to cry 'unanimous' at the sight of a puppy."

Meanwhile, the Republican Party, once the staunch defender of executive power, finds itself in a precarious position. Their traditional calls for a strong military have been turned on their head, as they now must rally nine judges to their cause, rather than the American electorate.

As the nation grapples with the implications of this seismic shift in governance, one thing is clear: the next international incident could very well be decided by a simple game of rock, paper, scissors in the hallowed chambers of the Supreme Court. God save the United States, for she has entrusted her future to a bench of legal eagles with the wisdom of Solomon and the humor of a stand-up comedian.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.