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In an extraordinary display of bipartisanship, a group of anonymous lawmakers, known as the "Conveners of the Future," have unveiled a revolutionary draft of a new Constitution that promises to reconcile the principles of science with the whims of political satire. This groundbreaking document, which has already been endorsed by a shadowy organization called "The Illuminators of Reason," suggests that the nation's capital be relocated to a giant, floating laboratory orbiting the Earth, equipped with the most advanced dystopian surveillance technology to ensure "transparent governance."

The new Constitution, provisionally titled "The Chronicles of the Absurd," begins with a preamble that pays homage to the original document, while simultaneously promising to "establish science as the law of the land, subject to the approval of a reality-TV style panel of 'experts' chosen by the viewing public."

Key articles include:

Article I: The Right to Science - Every citizen shall have the right to believe in any scientific theory, so long as it aligns with the political narrative of the current administration, regardless of empirical evidence.

Article II: The Obligation to Laugh - All elected officials must attend a monthly stand-up comedy show, where they will be subjected to humor so profoundly absurd that it will either reform them into public servants of integrity or ensure their reelection, depending on the outcome of an in-house poll.

Article III: The Separation of States from Facts - While the Constitution guarantees the separation of church and state, this new document champions the separation of states from facts, to prevent any undue influence of reality on the legislative process.

Article IV: The Establishment of the Department of Satire - A new government agency will be tasked with producing daily satirical reports, which will serve as official statements of policy until further notice.

Article V: The Amendment by Time Travel - Any amendment to the Constitution can be proposed by a unanimous vote from lawmakers, provided that the lawmaker can demonstrate the ability to travel back in time and secure unanimous agreement from past versions of themselves.

Article VI: The Invocation of Historical Precedent - In the event of a Constitutional crisis, the President shall be empowered to solve the conflict by invoking "historical precedent," which may or may not include a reenactment of pivotal moments from history, complete with period-appropriate costumes.

The draft concludes with a mandate for all citizens to participate in a nationwide "Think-Tank Olympics," where the most outlandish scientific theories and satirical skits will be pitched to a panel of judges, including a talking robot with a PhD in political science and a time-displaced Founding Father.

While the proposed Constitution has sparked a flurry of debate and controversy, the "Conveners of the Future" remain undeterred, insisting that this is the only way to "move forward by looking backward, while simultaneously embracing the future, and possibly a few alternate dimensions."

The Illuminators of Reason have already started a grassroots campaign to get the public to pledge allegiance to the new Constitution, which, according to their manifesto, will "ensure that science and satire reign supreme, and that history will look back on this moment as the dawn of a new era of governance."

As the country awaits the next chapter in its political odyssey, one thing is certain: the future of democracy has never looked more absurdly promising.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.