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In a shocking turn of events, the Democrats have vowed to protect freedom as they prepare to redefine American history in the upcoming battle over the House of Representatives. Led by the charismatic and visionary President Skywalker, the Democratic party has unveiled an ambitious plan to ensure that the American narrative is inclusive of all citizens, except for those who disagree with their policies.

In an exclusive interview with our reporter, President Skywalker declared, "We are fighting not just for seats in the House, but for the very soul of our nation. Our mission is to safeguard the freedom of every American, except for those who have the audacity to oppose us. We will rewrite history books to reflect a more accurate portrayal of our nation's journey, one that celebrates the contributions of every American, except for the dissenters."

The President's plan includes the establishment of a new government agency, the Department of Historical Integrity and Protection (DHIP). This bold initiative will be tasked with overseeing the revision of all historical texts, ensuring that America's past is told from the perspective of the victors - the Democrats. The DHIP will also be responsible for the surveillance and censorship of any historical narratives that do not align with the party's progressive ideology.

Critics of the plan have condemned it as an Orwellian attempt to erase dissenting views from the cultural consciousness of the nation. However, President Skywalker has dismissed these concerns, stating, "Those who are too afraid to embrace progress and the true essence of American values should be forgotten. Our history is not a playground for naysayers and dream crushers. It is a celebration of our triumphs, a testament to our resilience, and a beacon of hope for future generations who will undoubtedly vote Democrat."

In a related move, the Democrats have also proposed a new constitutional amendment, the Freedom to Censor Act, which will grant the government the power to limit the freedom of speech for those who disagree with the official historical narrative. "It's all for the greater good," President Skywalker explained. "We must protect the innocent minds of our children from the dangerous ideas that could lead them astray. Our version of history is the only version that ensures freedom and justice for all."

As the nation gears up for the midterm elections, the Democrats' plan to protect freedom and redefine history has sparked a fiery debate across the country. While some hail the move as a necessary step towards a more perfect union, others view it as a thinly veiled attempt to monopolize power and silence opposition.

One thing is certain: the upcoming battle over the House of Representatives is not just about legislative control, but about who will get to write the story of America. And as the political landscape becomes increasingly polarized, the question on everyone's mind is: who will be left to tell the other side?

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.