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In a shocking turn of events, President Utopia-Turned-Dystopia announced a groundbreaking initiative today that would fundamentally alter the fabric of American democracy. The proposed bill, colloquially dubbed the "New Order Act," has sparked a fiery debate in the House of Representatives, with members from both parties uniting in a rare display of bipartisanship to voice their opposition.

The Act, which President Dystopia unveiled with dramatic fanfare under the glaring lights of the Rose Garden, aims to redefine the role of the Constitution in modern governance. According to the President, the venerable document has become "quaint and somewhat irrelevant," and thus requires a "modern twist" to keep pace with the "complexities of the 21st century."

Under the Act, the Constitution would be amended to allow the President to bypass Congress on major decisions, citing the need for a streamlined executive process to address the "urgent crises" of our time. This bold move, which many legal scholars have noted borders on authoritarianism, would grant the President unfettered power to singlehandedly dictate policy changes, appoint judges, and even declare national holidays.

The House showdown reached a crescendo when Representative Bipartisan, a stalwart defender of the Constitution, took to the floor to deliver a scathing indictment of the President's proposal. "This is not the America our Founding Fathers envisioned," she exclaimed, her voice rising with emotion. "We are on the brink of surrendering our freedoms for the illusion of efficiency!"

The room erupted into a cacophony of cheers and jeers as members from both aisles voiced their concerns. The minority leader, a political chameleon known for his ability to flip-flop with the wind, stood up to echo Bipartisan's sentiments, in an unexpected display of conviction.

As the debate rages on, Americans are left to ponder the implications of a government unshackled from its founding document. Some fear this could be the first step toward a dystopian future where the President's whims dictate the nation's course, while others see it as a necessary evolution to ensure America's place on the world stage.

In a final act of irony, the President concluded his press conference by declaring, "This is not about power. It's about making America great again, by any means necessary." Whether this is a harbinger of a new era or a misguided attempt to reshape the American narrative, one thing is certain: the Constitution, that "outdated" relic of our democracy, is under siege like never before.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.