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In an explosive turn of events, a series of seismic mishaps along the San Andreas Fault has inadvertently peeled back the layers of a political quagmire that has been, until now, the best-kept secret in the hallowed halls of Capitol Hill.

Sources close to the situation have confirmed that the much-feared "Big One" has been not just a natural disaster waiting to happen but a carefully orchestrated event, manipulated by a clandestine coalition of Congresspeople, dubbed the "Faultline Federation." This shadowy cabal, consisting of an equal number of representatives from both major parties, has been betting on the imminent catastrophe to rake in millions from emergency preparedness contracts and disaster relief funds.

The ringleaders of this seismic scandal, known in political circles as Senators Rumble and Shake-a-Lot (D-California) and Representatives Richter and Faultwell (R-California), have been at the forefront of pushing for austerity measures in disaster preparedness while secretly capitalizing on the very disasters they publicly lament.

The plot was as shaky as the ground they were gambling with. The Faultline Federation used their influence to lobby for the reduction of funding for the Geological Survey, all the while funding their own "research" into the unstable fault lines, which conveniently "predicted" the recent series of quakes.

But the true earthquake of this scandal is not in the potential loss of life and property that could have been prevented but in the exposure of a political strategy that has been, until now, as effective as it was undetectable. The Federation's strategy was a masterclass in bipartisanship in vice, proving that when it comes to profiteering off disaster, both sides of the aisle can find common ground.

As the dust settles and the aftershocks subside, the nation is left to grapple with the realization that their elected officials were more concerned with their own pockets than the safety of their constituents. The Faultline Federation's motto, "Shaking up politics, one disaster at a time," has taken on a whole new meaning, and it's one that promises to leave the political landscape forever altered.

In the wake of this revelation, political analysts are predicting a seismic shift in public opinion, as voters demand accountability and a return to the true spirit of governance, which apparently does not include cashing in on natural disasters. The question now is whether the groundswell of public outrage will be enough to shake the foundations of this corruption to their very core.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.