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In a stunning and completely unexpected turn of events, sources close to the Supreme Court have leaked that the justices are on the brink of making a historic decision that could single-handedly alter the landscape of the 2024 presidential campaign. The case in question, "McBigBucks vs. The People's Economy," pits the might of corporate America against the collective will of the American populace, who have grown increasingly weary of the economic rollercoaster that has been their financial lives.

According to our deeply embedded mole within the ivy-covered walls of the Supreme Court, the decision could either be a sweeping victory for McBigBucks, allowing them to continue their monopolistic practices unabated, or a landmark ruling that will dismantle decades of deregulation and send the stock markets into a tailspin of biblical proportions.

Insiders claim that the justices are so divided that they've taken to wearing team jerseys to court, with Justice Scalia-Velociraptor leading "Team McBigBucks" in a bright gold " corporatiamagnificus," and Justice Ginsburg-the-Notorious RBG donning a "People's Economy" shirt in vibrant shades of green and red.

Politicians across the spectrum are already gearing up for the fallout. Frontrunner for the 2024 presidential race, President Incumbent, whose campaign slogan is "Make the Market Great Again," has been spotted in a Oval Office photoshoot with a "McBigBucks: America Runs on Dollars, Not Sense" coffee mug. Conversely, the leading challenger, Senator Populist, has been seen at local farmer's markets, handing out "Farmers Before Banks" leaflets and promising to make hay while the Supreme Court shines.

The anticipated decision has even caught the attention of foreign leaders, with a leaked memo from the European Union suggesting that they might consider implementing a "McBigBucks Tax" if the ruling goes their way, while a confidential communiqué from the Kremlin hints at a strategic partnership with McBigBucks to counteract Western economic hegemony.

In anticipation of the ruling, the nation's stock markets have been on a rollercoaster ride, with analysts predicting either a meteoric rise in corporate profits or a crash that will make 2008 look like a minor hiccup. Economists are split, with Dr. Bullish betting his entire Ivy League pension on a McBigBucks victory and Dr. Bearish preparing for a life of subsistence farming in the event of a populist triumph.

As the world holds its breath, one thing is certain: the upcoming Supreme Court decision will not only define the future of American economics but will also set the stage for the most unpredictable and entertaining presidential campaign in history. Buckle up, America – it's going to be a bumpy ride!

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.