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WASHINGTON D.C. - In a shocking turn of events, the House of Representatives has voted to gut the United States Constitution, setting off a national uproar. The bill, which was passed with a narrow margin, aims to strip the Constitution of its most fundamental protections, including the freedom of speech, religion, and the press.

"This is a dark day for America," said Rep. Jeremiah Johnson (R-Ohio), a vocal opponent of the bill. "We are on the brink of a constitutional disaster, and the American people had better wake up before it's too late."

But Rep. Rachel Rodriguez (D-Calif.) saw things differently. "This is a bold move towards a brighter future," she said. "The Constitution has been outdated for far too long, and it's time we modernize our founding document."

The bill, which has been in the works for months, has sparked outrage from both sides of the aisle. Critics argue that the proposed changes would strip Americans of their basic rights, while supporters claim that they will create a more inclusive and progressive society.

"This is an attack on our very way of life," said John Doe, a protester outside the Capitol building. "We will not stand for it."

But not everyone is opposed to the bill. "I think it's about time we got rid of some of these outdated provisions," said Jane Smith, a resident of Virginia. "It's time for a change."

The bill now heads to the Senate for a vote, where it is expected to face even more opposition. If passed, it could lead to a constitutional crisis, with some experts predicting a constitutional convention.

"This is a powder keg waiting to go off," said constitutional law expert, James Franklin. "If the Senate passes this bill, it could lead to a constitutional crisis of epic proportions."

As the nation waits with bated breath, one thing is clear: this bill has the potential to change the course of American history forever.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.