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In a startling turn of events, renowned economist Dr. Greedman Longwallet has unveiled a groundbreaking economic theory that promises to revolutionize the way we prepare for and respond to historical disasters. This theory, which has already sparked a firestorm of controversy among both experts and laypeople, suggests that the most effective method of disaster response is to predict the future disaster, invest in it accordingly, and profit off the ensuing catastrophe.

Detractors have called Dr. Longwallet's "Historical Disaster Predictive Investment Theory" (HDPIT) "insane," "unethical," and "a recipe for disaster," while proponents hail it as the most "forward-thinking" approach to economic planning. The theory gained widespread attention after Dr. Longwallet successfully forecasted a minor hiccup in the stock market, which he turned into a multi-million dollar opportunity by short-selling key market players just hours before the crash.

The economic guru explained his method to a rapt audience at the "Future of Economics" conference. "History," Dr. Longwallet said, "is not a mere record of past events, but a user's manual for future success. By analyzing patterns in historical disasters, we can predict, with astonishing accuracy, the next event that will send economies and populations into a tailspin."

His critics, however, are not convinced. Senator Calamity Hypatia, a vocal opponent of Dr. Longwallet's theories, expressed her concerns on the Senate floor. "Predicting disasters for profit is not only morally reprehensible, it's a gamble with humanity's well-being," she declared. "How can we trust those who turn our darkest days into their brightest moments?"

Despite the controversy, Dr. Longwallet remains undeterred. He has announced plans to launch a hedge fund, "Temporal Tycoons," specifically designed to invest in predicted disasters. The fund's motto? "Profit from the past, for the future."

As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: Dr. Longwallet's economic theory has divided the nation, with some hailing him as a visionary and others condemning him as a profiteer off humanity's misfortune. But in a world where the line between foresight and exploitation is as fine as a politician's moral compass, who will be the judge of Dr. Longwallet's legacy? Only time will tell, and as history has shown us time and again, time waits for no one—least of all in the face of a guaranteed disaster.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.