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In a shocking turn of events, a leaked memo from a secret government think tank has revealed a groundbreaking plan to redefine the balance of power in the government, with implications that could alter the fabric of the Constitution itself. The memo, obtained by our esteemed newspaper, outlines a plan to elect a President who has pledged to govern with the wisdom of Solomon and the humor of Jon Stewart, but with the political acumen of a seasoned lobbyist.

The President, known as "The Great Unifier," has promised to bring together the warring factions of the Senate, where the "Party of the People" and the "Grand Old Dominion" have been engaged in a political staring contest for years. The memo suggests that The Great Unifier will achieve this by implementing a series of comedy shows held within the Senate chambers, where senators will "battle it out" in a series of roast battles, moderated by none other than a renowned comedian, who will also serve as the Secretary of Humor.

The proposed legislation, dubbed the "Humor and Unity Act of 2023," will mandate that all Senate sessions begin with a stand-up comedy routine, ensuring that lawmakers will be too busy laughing to argue. Furthermore, the bill stipulates that any senator who fails to chuckle during the comedy segment will be required to perform a public "Dance of Apology" in front of their constituents, a move sure to endear them to the public and unite the nation in shared entertainment.

But the plot thickens. Insiders claim that the real aim of The Great Unifier is to distract the populace from the fact that the government has secretly replaced the Constitution with an almost identical document, known as the Constitutionn of New America." The only change? The addition of a new amendment that grants the President the power to declare any day a national holiday, complete with mandatory participation in state-sanctioned fun activities.

As the election approaches, voters are left wondering if they are voting for a President who will uphold the Constitution or one who will upend it in favor of a nationwide game of duck, duck, goose. The only certainty is that the upcoming election will be anything but ordinary, and the balance of power, as we know it, may never be the same.

Stay tuned as our intrepid correspondents continue to investigate the mysterious world of political comedy and the uncharted waters of a constitutional amendment that guarantees every citizen the right to a fun time. Remember, in the words of The Great Unifier, "If we can't laugh together, we might as well cry apart." Vote wisely, my fellow citizens!

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.