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In a stunning turn of events that has left constitutional scholars rubbing their eyes in disbelief, a recently unearthed trove of evidence has revealed a widespread pattern of corruption within the Republican ranks that has been blatantly ignored by both Congress and the President. The documents, which have been meticulously dated and verified by the independent fact-checking organization "Truth or Dare," suggest that key legislators have been covertly receiving bribes in the form of rare collector's eggs since 1984, a practice that has been affectionately termed by insiders as "Omelette-gate."

The evidence, which includes a series of highly detailed ledgers and a collection of egg-stained receipts from a now-defunct Capitol Hill omelette bar, indicates that the eggs were sourced from the "Golden Rooster Coop," a farm owned by a shadowy figure known only as "Fowl Mouth." The farm, which has since been shut down for "unusual egg production methods," was rumored to be the personal pet project of a certain President "Eggsy" Johnson.

The revelation has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, with many questioning how such a brazen scheme could have flown under the radar for decades. Sources close to the investigation have claimed that the corruption was facilitated by a "Poultry Mafia" that had infiltrated every level of government, including the White House. The Mafia's influence was so pervasive that even the most basic of constitutional amendments, the one guaranteeing the right to a well-scrambled breakfast, was allegedly up for grabs.

In a bizarre twist, the President has responded to the allegations by declaring a national emergency to ensure the safety of the American egg supply. In a press conference held at the newly constructed "Egg and Bacon Defense Fort," the President claimed that the true threat to democracy was not the potential undermining of the Constitution, but rather the "tyranny of undercooked yolks." He pledged to lead the nation in a series of patriotic egg-cooking workshops, aimed at "strengthening the union, one omelette at a Congressp>

Congress, meanwhile, has taken a more hands-off approach, with key legislators claiming that they were too busy crafting "egg-sensitive" legislation to pay attention to the corruption allegations. One influential senator, known for his "runny" rhetoric, was overheard saying, "We've got bigger fish to fry. Or should I say, bigger eggs to scramble?"

As the nation grapples with the implications of "Omelette-gate," constitutional experts have called for an immediate and thorough investigation into the matter. They argue that if the Constitution is to remain the supreme law of the land, it might be time to amend it with a clause specifically addressing the prohibition of egg-based bribery.

In the meantime, Americans are being urged to stay vigilant and to never underestimate the power of a well-laid egg. As one political commentator put it, "In these uncertain times, the only thing more valuable than the Constitution is a breakfast that doesn't leave you feeling like you've just betrayed your founding fathers."

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.