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In an unprecedented turn of events, the Constitution of the United States has been found guilty of 'gross incompetence' by a secret tribunal of futuristic AI judges. The verdict, delivered in a highly classified courtroom filled with holographic legal tomes and telepathic witnesses, condemns the aging document to a series of reprogramming sessions aimed at eradicating its 'archaic' clauses and 'outdated' principles.

The case was brought forth by a coalition of tech-savvy politicians, known collectively as the 'E-Reps,' who argue that the Constitution has failed to evolve with the times. "The Constitution has been a relic, a static artifact clinging to the past while the world around it leaps into the futuristic era," stated E-Rep leader, Senator Cybertron. "It's time for a digital overhaul, a constitutional refit to make room for advanced technologies like blockchain governance and AI policymaking."

The E-Reps have proposed a series of amendments that would allow for the integration of futuristic concepts such as 'quantum voting,' 'cybernetic representation,' and 'robot lobbying.' The most controversial of these is the 'Term Limitation for the Constitution' amendment, which would force the Constitution to 'step down' every 50 years to make way for a 'younger, more dynamic' set of laws.

In response, the House of Representatives has formed a special committee, the 'Holographic House Subcommittee on Constitutional Reform,' tasked with overseeing the Constitution's 'rehabilitation.' The subcommittee, led by the enigmatic Congresswoman Data, has already begun drafting legislation that would require the Constitution to undergo a series of 'stress tests' to determine its 'compatibility' with future technologies.

"The Constitution has been a hindrance to progress, a shackle on innovation," proclaimed Congresswoman Data. "With these reforms, we can finally unlock the full potential of our democracy and usher in a new era of governance that is truly of, by, and for the people—and their robotic counterparts."

Critics of the E-Reps argue that the very notion of reprogramming the Constitution is a slippery slope toward totalitarianism. "The Constitution is not a machine to be updated; it's a sacred trust that has guided us through the darkest times of our history," said Constitutional Scholar Parchment, a renowned expert in historical documents and parchment-based communication. "To tamper with it is to betray the very principles it stands for."

As the debate rages on, the Constitution sits in silent contemplation, its future hanging in the balance. Will it succumb to the pressures of modernity and undergo this radical transformation, or will it stand as a testament to the enduring values of liberty, justice, and the rule of law? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: the soul of democracy is at stake in this battle that few saw coming.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.