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In a plot twist that would make George Orwell spin in his grave, the Supreme Court has made a landmark decision that will forever alter the fabric of American governance. In a 5-4 ruling that has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, the Court has decreed that the President of the United States, President George W. Windbag III, shall now possess absolute control over the nation's past, present, and future.

The decision, penned by the enigmatic and often enigmatic Justice Satire Clause, states that the Executive Branch has the unilateral power to rewrite history books, dictate current events, and even predetermine the outcomes of future elections. The ruling was based on a convoluted interpretation of the Constitution, which somehow concluded that the President's pen and phone were not merely metaphors for executive action, but literal keys to a vast, alternate reality where every American citizen is an unwitting extra in a never-ending, government-produced soap opera.

In response to the ruling, President Windbag III, clad in a shiny, silver jumpsuit (a nod to his penchant for space exploration and reality distortion), announced his first decree: "From this moment forth, the entire history of the United States shall be retitled 'The Trump Card: A Presidential Tale of Triumph,' with a special chapter dedicated to my remarkable leadership and vision."

Critics of the decision argue that this unprecedented power grab could lead to a dystopian future where truth is as malleable as Play-Doh and facts are subject to the whims of the Oval Office occupant. However, supporters of the ruling claim that this is the natural evolution of governance, hailing the new era as a chance for America to "write its own destiny" and become the first truly post-truth superpower.

In related news, the Bureau of Alternate Realities (BAR) has been established to oversee the President's historical and prophetic endeavors. The BAR, led by the enigmatic Director Fiction of Reality, will be responsible for ensuring that all historical events align with the President's vision and that future events do not inadvertently contradict the narrative being woven by the highest office in the land.

As the nation grapples with this seismic shift in governance, experts are already speculating on the potential implications for democracy, freedom of speech, and the concept of truth itself. Meanwhile, history buffs and conspiracy theorists are bracing for a wild ride, as the past, present, and future become as fluid and controllable as the latest social media trend.

Stay tuned as we continue to cover this developing story, where history is not just written by the victors, but by the victor himself, and every citizen is both audience and unwitting participant in the greatest reality show the world has ever seen.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.