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In a stunning turn of events that has left political pundits and war correspondents alike scratching their heads in bewilderment, President BrainyPants has declared an end to all conflicts around the globe. The announcement, made from the Oval Office with all the gravity of a Shakespearean tragedy, revealed that the commander-in-chief had devised a groundbreaking strategy to promote world peace.

The strategy, which has been dubbed "Operation Lullaby," involves a team of top scientists and sleep experts who have been working tirelessly to develop a snore-inducing gas that can render all combatants in a war zone unconscious at the same time. The gas, affectionately named "ZzzZap," was successfully tested on a group of squabbling toddlers at a daycare center, where it led to an unprecedented 12-hour nap marathon, during which world peace was declared by the tiny tyrants.

In a display of political satire that would make Aristophanes proud, the President's plan backfired in an epic fashion. Instead of ending wars, the deployment of ZzzZap in conflict zones only escalated tensions, as each side accused the other of deploying the "sleep weapon." Nations rallied to their respective flags, not in defense of their homeland, but in a collective effort to stay awake and claim victory in the newfound "War of the Woke."

The United Nations, always at the forefront of global crises, was quick to convene an emergency session to address the issue. However, as delegates from around the world gathered to discuss the matter, a mysterious sleep-inducing fog descended upon the assembly hall, causing diplomats to slump over their desks in a deep, unbreakable sleep. The meeting was adjourned indefinitely, leaving the world's political leaders in a state of unconscious consensus.

As the global community grapples with the unintended consequences of President BrainyPants' ambitious peace initiative, one can't help but chuckle at the irony of a war to end all wars being fought over the most innocuous of foes: the sandman. Meanwhile, in a darkened corner of the White House, the President is rumored to be plotting his next move, this time with a team of caffeine scientists to ensure that his next strategy to achieve world peace won't put the world to sleep.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.