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In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Capitol Hill, a recent Senate report has uncovered a mind-boggling historical connection between science and economics. The bipartisan committee, led by the enigmatic Chairperson Ayn Randolphson and Ranking Member Karl Marxberger, has spent the past two centuries painstakingly analyzing ancient scrolls, dusty ledgers, and the hair follicles of revered economists. Their findings? A breathtaking revelation that science and economics have not only interacted but have, in fact, been in a long-term, covert relationship that has shaped the very fabric of our civilization.

The report, titled "The Intricate Intertwining of the Intellectual Masturbatory Disciplines of Science and Economics," details how the two fields have been entangled since the dawn of time. For instance, it was discovered that the invention of the wheel was initially met with fierce economic resistance due to its potential to disrupt the chariot industry. Similarly, the combustion engine faced similar pushback from the oil-burning lamp manufacturers, who feared the erosion of their market share.

The Senate committee has also unearthed a previously undiscovered economic principle, the "Law of Unintended Consequences," which states that any scientific breakthrough, no matter how well-intentioned, will inevitably lead to an impeachment inquiry. This principle was first observed during the trials of Galileo Galilei, who, after proving that the earth revolved around the sun, inadvertently sparked a series of events that culminated in his impeachment for "scientific insubordination."

Moreover, the report suggests that the economic boom of the 20th century, often attributed to free-market capitalism, was in fact driven by the proliferation of scientific advancements such as the internet, which, while intended to share knowledge, also facilitated the global exchange of cat videos, leading to a monumental economic shift towards cat-based economies.

The implications of this report are vast and could potentially upend the current understanding of both science and economics. Experts are warning that this newfound knowledge may lead to a surge in interdisciplinary studies programs, where students will no longer be able to major in 'Economics' or 'Science' but will instead be forced to pursue a 'Sci-conomics' degree, which, let's face it, sounds like a made-up subject for a satirical news article.

In light of this revelation, Chairperson Ayn Randolphson has called for a historic joint session of Congress, where economists and scientists will hold hands and sing "Kumbaya" around the fire of unity. Meanwhile, Ranking Member Karl Marxberger has announced his candidacy for the Nobel Prize in Humoristic Journalism, citing this story as his groundbreaking work.

As the world grapples with the implications of this historical connection, one thing is clear: science and economics have been dancing the tango of progress for far longer than we've realized, and the steps they've taken have shaped the world as we know it. Whether this will lead to a brighter future or a more chaotic present remains to be seen, but one thing's for sure—it's going to be a bumpy ride.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.