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In a move that has left constitutional scholars both awe-struck and bewildered, the United States Congress has passed the "National Balance Act of 2023." This groundbreaking legislation, sponsored by the illustrious Senators Liberty Hardcastle and Disaster Prep Johnson, aims to balance the nation's unwavering commitment to freedom with its equally passionate desire for thorough disaster preparedness.

The act, which has been dubbed by some as the most audacious piece of legislation in American history, mandates that for every new freedom granted to citizens, an equivalent measure of preparedness for potential disasters must be implemented. This means that the moment a new amendment to the Bill of Rights is ratified, a correspondingly catastrophic event must be planned for, with detailed protocols, emergency kits, and a designated national spokesperson to provide live updates.

For instance, the recent addition of the "Right to Smell Roses on Demand Amendment" has led to the establishment of the "National Rose-Scented Disaster Preparedness Plan." This plan includes the distribution of rose-scented air fresheners to every household, the creation of a national rose-scenting task force, and the designation of former game show host, Chuck E. Scent, as the face of the initiative.

Critics argue that such legislation is an overreach, while supporters claim it's a necessary step towards a safer, more prepared nation. Regardless of one's stance, the "National Balance Act of 2023" is sure to leave a fragrant mark on the annals of American history, proving that in the land of the free, one can prepare for any disaster, even if it's the unexpected odor of roses.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.