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In a stunning revelation that has sent political pundits and constitutional scholars into a frenzy, leaked documents from an undisclosed government archive have uncovered a lesser-known clause in the United States Constitution. Dubbed the "Dystopian Disaster Amendment" (DDA), this previously undiscovered section of the founding document provides a shocking blueprint for the nation's leaders to wield the Constitution both as a shield to protect the people's freedoms and as a sword to impose tyrannical rule in the event of a "declared modern dystopian disaster."

The DDA, penned by a mysterious founding father known only as "Madman Hamilton," lays out a series of alarming directives. In the event of a disaster, defined as "any situation where the public demands more than three consecutive days of stable electricity, clean air, or running water," the President, known as the "Supreme Sovereign of Security," gains absolute authority. This includes the power to suspend all civil liberties, rewrite laws, and rule by executive decree.

The document continues to detail the construction of "Freedom Dungeons," where dissenters are to be held indefinitely without trial. These dungeons, disguised as "protective custodial facilities," are designed to rehabilitate citizens who "misunderstand the true essence of liberty in the face of adversity."

Furthermore, the DDA outlines the creation of a new class of Americans: the "Privileged Proles." These individuals, who have shown unwavering support for the Supreme Sovereign's regime, will receive special benefits, including rationed Wi-Fi, access to state-approved entertainment, and the privilege of owning a state-sanctioned smartphone, preloaded with propaganda apps.

The revelation has sent shockwaves through the country, with citizens questioning the very essence of their freedoms. Meanwhile, politicians from both the Liberty League and the Order of the Establishment are in a deadlock, with neither side willing to disarm the other, fearing the potential abuse of the DDA.

As the nation grapples with the implications of this revelation, one thing is clear: the United States Constitution, once hailed as a beacon of democracy, now stands as a testament to the foresight of its founders—and their darkest fears of a future where freedom could be as fragile as the balance of power.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.