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In a startling turn of events that would make George Orwell's ghost do a double-take, the United States House of Representatives has proposed a bill that, if passed, would strip Americans of their most cherished freedoms. The "Comprehensive American Freedom Rationalization Act" (CAFRA) has sparked outrage among civil liberties advocates and the general public alike, who are calling it the most dystopian legislative move since the creation of the internet filtering software "Deep Throttle" in 2002.

Sponsored by the enigmatic Congressman Ludd (R-Techophobia) and endorsed by a bipartisan coalition of tech-skeptic lawmakers, CAFRA aims to "modernize" the American way of life by limiting personal freedoms to what is deemed "necessary for societal health." According to the bill, this includes the right to own pets, consume caffeine, and use smartphones without government surveillance.

The bill's most controversial clause, however, is the one that proposes the establishment of "Freedom Quotas," a system that allots a fixed amount of personal freedom to each citizen annually. Once a citizen exhausts their allotment, they must adhere to a strict set of regulations dictating every aspect of their lives, from the number of words they can say in a day to the amount of water they're allowed to drink without government-approved permits.

Critics argue that this bill is a direct assault on the Constitution, particularly the First and Fourth Amendments. Proponents, on the other hand, claim that it is a "logical step towards a more ordered society," where freedom is not a right, but a privilege that must be carefully rationed to prevent the "overuse" of civil liberties.

In a statement that has since gone viral, Congressman Ludd declared, "With great freedom comes great responsibility to not abuse it. We're not taking your freedoms away; we're simply managing them responsibly. Think of it as a diet for democracy – we're just cutting out the unnecessary calories."

The public reaction has been swift and furious, with protests erupting across the nation, carrying signs that read "Don't Tread on Me" and "My Body, My Choice – Even If I'm Out of Quota!" Activists have launched a grassroots campaign to #FightForFreedom, urging citizens to use up their remaining freedom points to stand against the bill.

As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the line between satire and reality has been blurred to the point of invisibility. And as the gears of Congress turn ever slower, the nation braces itself for what might be the most ironic twist in the annals of American history: a freedom-loving public asked to ration their freedom to preserve it.

Stay tuned as this story develops, and remember – in a world where your freedom is rationed, every word you read, every thought you think, and every breath you take could be counted.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.