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In an unexpected turn of events, the House of Representatives, under the firm grip of the Republican majority, has unanimously passed the "New Constitution" bill, a piece of legislation that proposes a complete overhaul of the United States Constitution. The bill, which has been coined as the Constitutionnal Revolution" by its proponents, aims to "modernize" the founding document of the nation, much to the chagrin of historians, legal experts, and patriots alike.

The New Constitution, drafted by a mysterious figure known only as "Patriot Pen," includes a plethora of amendments that range from the restructuring of the Senate to include only Tesla owners, to the requirement that every American citizen must own a fire-breathing dragon. Perhaps most controversially, the bill stipulates that the President of the United States must now be selected via a nationwide game of "Capture the Flag," with the Vice President serving as the "Flag Bearer."

The bill's proponents argue that these changes will "finally bring the Constitution into the 21st century," while opponents claim it is an "abhorrent disregard for the rule of law." The debate has sparked a national frenzy, with talk show hosts and social media influencers alike weighing in on the proposed changes.

In a bid to quell the rising tide of dissent, Speaker of the House "Pelosibag" called for a bi-partisan meeting with the authors of the New Constitution, only to be met with a chorus of crickets, as the mysterious Patriot Pen has seemingly vanished into thin air.

As the nation grapples with the implications of this audacious legislative move, political analysts predict a series of unprecedented events leading up to the next election, where voters will be faced with a binary choice: the status quo or a new world order, complete with dragon-owning senators and presidential flag captures.

Stay tuned as this story unfolds, because in a world where reality is stranger than fiction, anything is possible, and no document is ever truly sacred.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.