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In a shocking turn of events that has left tech experts and mobile gamers alike reeling, the illustrious Government of the United States has proposed a groundbreaking piece of legislation aimed at addressing the nation's most pressing issue: mobile gamesef="375-senate-eruption-how-video-games-uncovered-a-200-year-old-political-scandal.html">gaming addiction. The bill, dubbed the "National Intervention and Screen Time Limitations Act" (NISTLA), was introduced by the honorable Representative Joystick and swiftly passed through both houses with a remarkable display of bipartisan unity.

The NISTLA act, which is set to take effect immediately following its official signing (which sources close to the matter confirm will be "any day now"), will mandate that all smartphones come equipped with a government-sanctioned "Gaming Reality Check" (GRC) feature. This feature, which will be as impossible to disable as a politician's promise during an election year, will lock users out of their mobile gaming accounts after 30 minutes of continuous play.

In a statement, Representative Joystick passionately declared, "We cannot sit idly by as our citizens succumb to the clutches of Candy Crush, or the seductive siren call of the latest battle royale craze. It is our duty to protect the public from the perilous pitfalls of pixelated pleasure and ensure that every man, woman, and child spends an equal amount of time contributing to society as they do collecting virtual loot."

The bill also includes a provision that classifies mobile gaming as a national disaster, thereby granting the President extraordinary powers to intervene in the event of a gamingg emergency." This includes the authority to deploy "Digital Task Forces" to forcibly remove individuals from their gaming environments and provide them with mandatory outdoor activity vouchers.

Critics of the bill argue that the government's intrusion into personal device usage is akin to opening Pandora's box, raising concerns about privacy and the potential for overreach. However, proponents of the NISTLA act argue that the legislation is a necessary step in safeguarding the mental health and well-being of the nation's citizens.

As the nation braces for the impact of this new legislation, gaming enthusiasts have taken to social media to voice their outrage, sharing hashtags like #GameOnFreedom and #SwipeRightOnChoice. Meanwhile, tech companies are scrambling to comply with the new regulations, with one anonymous source from a leading smartphone manufacturer confessing, "We were so close to releasing the 12G Ultra-Gaming Edition. Now, we're not so sure."

In a final act of irony, the bill's passage was celebrated with a nationwide "Disconnect Day," where citizens were encouraged to put down their phones and engage in activities that do not involve digital screens. The event, which was live-streamed on every major social media platform, reached record-breaking viewership numbers, marking a curious paradox in the age of digital consumption.

Stay tuned as we continue to cover this developing story, where the government takes on the role of digital guardian, and the quest for balance between technology and humanity becomes the latest national pastime.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.