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WASHINGTON D.C. - In a shocking turn of events, Republicans have secretly amended the United States Constitution to grant themselves totalitarian power, effectively plunging the country into a dystopian future. The amendment, which was passed under the cover of darkness and without any public scrutiny, gives the GOP the authority to rule without checks or balances, effectively rendering the other two branches of government useless.

According to sources within the party, the amendment was passed in a late-night session of Congress, with little more than a handful of Democrats present to object. "It was a done deal from the start," said one anonymous Democratic representative. "We knew it was coming, but we didn't expect it to happen so quickly."

The amendment, which is being hailed as the "Greatest Constitutional Upgrade Since the Inception of Our Great Nation," grants the Republican Party the power to do whatever they damn well please, without fear of reprisal or accountability. "We're the party of the people, and we're here to stay," said Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, in a statement released after the amendment was passed. "We're not going to let the liberal elites stand in our way any longer."

Critics of the amendment have expressed concern over the potential consequences of such a sweeping change to the country's foundational document. "This is a clear power grab, and it's going to lead to a complete breakdown of democracy in this country," said Sarah Silverman, comedian and political commentator. "I mean, seriously, who do these people think they are? The Nazis?"

Despite the outcry, the Republicans show no signs of relinquishing their newfound power. In fact, they're already planning to use it to pass even more legislation that will further solidify their grip on the country. "We're not done yet," said House Speaker, Paul Ryan. "We've got a lot of work to do to make this country great again. And by great, I mean totally under the control of the Republican Party."

As the country teeters on the brink of totalitarianism, many are left wondering how this could have happened. "It's a classic case of the tail wagging the dog," said one political analyst. "The Republicans have been working towards this moment for decades, and now they've finally achieved their dream of total control."

In related news, the Democrats have announced that they will be holding an emergency meeting to discuss their next move. "We're not going to let these fascist bastards get away with this," said one Democratic representative. "We'll do whatever it takes to stop them and save our country from this dystopian nightmare."

But don't hold your breath. After all, as the great philosopher, Mitch McConnell, once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... and the Democrats."

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.