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In a move that has left political analysts both puzzled and entertained, the Supreme Court has officially agreed to arbitrate a heated dispute between the Republican and Democratic parties. At the heart of this unprecedented legal battle is a question that has divided the nation: is playing strategy games a form of scientific inquiry?

The chaos erupted after President Galactic, a Republican, signed an executive order proclaiming that all citizens must engage in at least three hours of strategy games each week to "advance their cognitive abilities and sharpen their problem-solving skills." This decree was met with immediate backlash from the Democratic opposition, led by Senator Bipartisan, who argued that such an order not only infringed on personal freedoms but also undermined the importance of actual science in education.

The Democrats, citing peer-reviewed research and decades of academic study, claimed that strategy games do not contribute to the scientific understanding of human cognition. They presented a multitude of studies proving that playing games like chess and Risk is not, in fact, a scientific endeavor.

In retaliation, the Republicans, armed with their own array of scientific 'evidence'—including anecdotal accounts from various pundits and talk show hosts—countered that strategy games are indeed a form of science, as they require players to engage in hypothesis testing, decision-making, and pattern recognition, which are all cornerstones of the scientific method.

The Supreme Court, in a move that can only be described as a masterclass in judicial trolling, decided to settle this dispute by challenging both parties to a series of best-of-seven strategy game matches. The winner, they announced, would be granted the right to define what constitutes scientific inquiry in the public school curriculum.

The nation's capital has since transformed into a veritable game convention, with the halls of Congress replaced by chessboards and the steps of the Supreme Court adorned with Monopoly properties. The first match, held in the East Room of the White House, saw President Galactic and Senator Bipartisan locked in an intense game of Risk, with the fate of their political agendas hanging in the balance.

As the world watches in anticipation, the outcome of this epic showdown remains uncertain. However, one thing is clear: America's political landscape has never been more strategically charged, and the science of strategy games has never been more in the spotlight. Whether this will lead to a deeper understanding of science or a nation of master game players remains to be seen. One thing's for sure; the academic journals are bracing themselves for a flood of new 'research' on the scientific merits of strategy games.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.