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In a shocking turn of events that has left political pundits and the American public alike reeling, a group of rogue Supreme Court Justices has declared a "constitutional interim government" and has taken control of the United States Capitol. Led by the enigmatic and mustachioed Justice Clarence Thumbscrew, the self-proclaimed "Supreme Council" has issued a series of decrees that have sent shockwaves through the halls of Congress and the Oval Office.

According to the breaking news exclusive obtained by our intrepid correspondent, Justice Thumbscrew and his band of legal mavericks have declared that all sitting members of Congress must compete in a series of "patriotic trials" to prove their loyalty to the Constitution. The trials, which range from a three-legged race with a founding father impersonator to a heated debate on the merits of cherry pie versus apple pie, are said to determine the "true spirit of democracy."

In a move that can only be described as Napoleonic, President Foghorn Leghorn has been ordered to relocate to a "luxurious" estate in Monticello, where he will spend his days painting portraits of the founding fathers and composing soulful ballads about the importance of term limits. The President, known for his ruffles and fluffles oratory style, has reportedly taken to the task with gusto, already completing a series of portraits that some say bear an uncanny resemblance to himself.

The Supreme Council has also instituted a new form of currency, the Constitutionnal Quill," which is backed by the collective wisdom of the Supreme Court and is said to be "infallible." The Quill has already seen a surge in popularity, with citizens trading in their paper dollars for the chance to own a piece of the new constitutional economy.

As the nation grapples with this unprecedented power shift, the Supreme Council has promised a series of "transparent and accountable" elections to decide the fate of this interim government. However, the criteria for these elections include such stipulations as a mandatory dance-off with the Statue of Liberty and a written exam on the difference between the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.

In a statement that has been both praised and ridiculed, Justice Thumbscrew declared, "We are not here to dismantle the government, but to remind it of its core values and to ensure that the spirit of the Constitution is upheld by all, no matter their station."

While the validity of the Supreme Council's actions remains in question, one thing is clear: the United States is about to embark on a wild ride through the annals of its own history, with the Supreme Court at the helm. Only time will tell if this grand experiment in constitutional governance will lead to a renaissance of American democracy or plunge the nation into a new era of judicial tyranny.

Stay tuned to this channel for ongoing coverage of the most bizarre political saga in American history.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.