Impeached 2 is an armchair politician's dream. Play today!

In a stunning display of political theater that would make Shakespeare blush with envy, Congress has once again put the spotlight on its unparalleled ability to prioritize spectacle over substance. In a move that has left scientists and academics in fits of laughter, the House of Representatives has voted to allocate the entirety of the nation's scientific research budget to funding a series of highly anticipated political games, aptly named "The Great Political Derby."

The bill, introduced by the esteemed Representative Bipartisan-Carefully, a political chameleon known for his ability to switch parties with the grace of a swan doing ballet, promises to settle once and for all the age-old debate between the two major parties. The grand event will feature a series of challenges designed to test the mettle of each party's representatives, with events such as the "Economic Marathon," the "Healthcare Obstacle Course," and the "Environmental Relay Race."

In a press conference, the bill's sponsor, Rep. Bipartisan-Carefully, declared, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a unique opportunity to show the American people that we are not just a bunch of bickering politicians. We are visionaries, willing to invest in a competition that will not only entertain but also educate the masses on the complexities of governance!"

Meanwhile, the scientific community has responded with a collective eye roll, as the budget for groundbreaking research initiatives like quantum computing, cancer treatments, and climate change mitigation has been slashed to fund this political circus. Dr. Jane Smart, a leading figure in the scientific community, was overheard saying, "It's like a scene out of a dystopian novel where entertainment takes precedence over enlightenment. But at least it's entertaining, I suppose."

As the nation gears up for "The Great Political Derby," experts are predicting that this event will not only solidify the public's perception of Congress as a body more interested in showmanship than legislative action but will also inadvertently provide a platform for the world to witness the absurdity of political gamesmanship at its finest.

In related news, NASA has announced the repurposing of the Hubble Space Telescope to broadcast the event live from space, adding a cosmic twist to the already extravagant spectacle. "We're calling it 'Hubble Vision,'" a NASA spokesperson said with a wink. "It's going to be out of this world!"

As the countdown to the derby begins, the nation braces itself for what is sure to be a display of political showmanship that will go down in history—not for its contribution to policy or progress, but for its unparalleled ability to entertain.

Can't get enough of politics? Play Impeached 2 and become President of the U.S. today!

This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.