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In a shocking turn of events, a clandestine debate erupted in the House of Representatives this week, as a faction of legislators proposed the establishment of a new economic model inspired by the most depressing dystopian novels. The proposal, under the guise of Constitutionnal Soundness," suggests that the United States economy would thrive under conditions of constant scarcity, where the population would be divided into distinct classes based on their ability to barter for food and water.

The bill, known as the "American Dystopian Economic Framework (ADEF)," was introduced by Representative Gloom, a politician whose previous legislative efforts include the "Solar Eclipse for All Act" and the "National Pessimism Day" declaration. ADEF has sparked outrage among both the public and political figures, who are concerned that this new economic model may violate the very Constitution it claims to uphold.

Proponents of ADEF argue that a dystopian-inspired economy would force citizens to become more resourceful, thus fostering innovation and entrepreneurship. Critics, however, are skeptical. "It's like 'The Hunger Games' but with more paperwork," remarked Senator Brightside, a stark contrast to Representative Gloom, whose name alone suggests a penchant for dimly lit corridors and rain-soaked trench coats.

The debate has become so heated that the Capitol's underground bunker, rumored to be a haven for outdated legislation and forgotten sandwich remnants, has seen an uptick in visitors. Lawmakers have been spotted scouring the archives for any reference to economic practices that might resemble ADEF, only to find a collection of dusty 'Mad Max' DVDs and a lone, emaciated copy of "Atlas Shrugged."

Economists across the nation have weighed in, with some predicting a surge in the black market for toilet paper and canned goods, while others foresee a Renaissance of DIY dental work. The American Dental Association has released a statement warning citizens against attempting to extract their own wisdom teeth, citing the potential for both psychological trauma and unsightly infection.

In a surprising twist, the Federal Reserve has been accused of leaking classified documents suggesting that they have been secretly hoarding Bitcoin in anticipation of a potential economy-wide barter system. When asked for comment, a Fed spokesperson simply replied, "We're not saying we're prepping for a dystopian future, but we did just purchase the domain name DystopiaDollars.com."

As the debate continues to unfold, one thing is clear: the future of the American economy, as envisioned by the ADEF, is as murky and uncertain as the plot of "Lord of the Flies." With each new revelation and legislative maneuver, the line between satire and reality blurs, leaving citizens to wonder if this is, in fact, the beginning of a dystopian satire that has somehow, inexplicably, come to life.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.