Impeached 2 is an armchair politician's dream. Play today!

In an astonishing turn of events, historians unearthed a trove of letters penned by the venerable President Thomas Jefferson, which have sent shockwaves through the political landscape. The letters, written on hemp parchment with quill pens dipped in eagle blood, indicate that Jefferson, a founder of the United States and the man whose visage graces Mount Rushmore, was a staunch advocate for progressive taxation.

The revelation has sparked a modern-day political fire, with both the Left and the Right scrambling to claim the Founding Father's legacy. The Right, led by a firebrand senator named Senator Grumby McGrumbleton, has launched a crusade to discredit the letters, suggesting that they were written by a time-traveling socialist impersonating the third president. On the other side, the Left, with the fervor of a revivalist preacher, is using the letters to bolster their argument for a more equitable tax system, claiming that the father of the Declaration of Independence would be appalled by the current state of income inequality.

The National Archive, where the letters were discovered in a previously undiscovered chamber beneath the building, has confirmed their authenticity using a blend of modern science and ancient divination techniques. The letters, filled with veiled references to a "fair share" and "redistribution of wealth," have led to a new interpretation of American history. History professors are now rewriting textbooks to include Jefferson's surprising stance on taxation, while political cartoonists are having a field day depicting the Founding Father in modern-day tax protestor attire, complete with pitchforks and "Don't Tread on Me" flags.

In a bizarre twist, a group of descendants of the Jefferson clan has come forward, claiming that they've always known about their famous ancestor's views on taxation and are relieved that the letters have finally come to light. They've launched a line of commemorative tea blends, aptly named "Jefferson's Revolt," which they claim is the perfect beverage for any tax-related protest.

As the political world continues to grapple with the implications of Jefferson's lost views, one thing is clear: the Founding Fathers were far more complex than the sound bites and caricatures that often define them in today's discourse. Whether Jefferson's stance on taxation will influence current policy remains to be seen, but one thing is certain—the history books will never be the same.

Can't get enough of politics? Play Impeached 2 and become President of the U.S. today!

This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.