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In a shocking turn of events that has left political pundits and scientists alike scratching their heads, the United States has found itself on the brink of a disaster of cosmic proportions. The culprit? A rogue campaign from a man who claims to be a time-traveling futurist with a penchant for polymer-based renewable energy sources.

The futurist, known as Dr. Polly tempora, has been campaigning across the nation in a sleek, flying car that seems to defy the laws of physics. Her platform? A series of radical proposals that include the abolition of the traditional four-year presidential term in favor of a dynamic, time-based tenure system, the integration of virtual reality debates to "enhance voter engagement," and the establishment of a Department of Temporal Affairs to regulate time travel and its implications on the economy and election cycles.

The House of Representatives, already reeling from the news that a representative has been replaced by an AI with a penchant for Shakespearean sonnets, has been thrown into further chaos. The representative from New York, a staunch advocate for the traditional horse and buggy, has declared a constitutional crisis, claiming that Dr. tempora's campaign violates the "Sacred Oath of the Founding Fathers" and threatens the very fabric of American democracy.

Meanwhile, the President, a reality TV star turned politician, has tweeted a series of cryptic messages suggesting a secret meeting with Dr. tempora to discuss "the future of America" and hinting at a potential "time-swap" deal that would allow him to campaign in the past and solidify his legacy as the greatest president in history.

As the nation grapples with the implications of a futurist's campaign, experts have warned of potential paradoxes and the possibility of a "temporal feedback loop" that could erase the United States from existence. Economists are concerned about the impact on the stock market, which has seen a surge of speculative trading based on the potential outcomes of Dr. tempora's policies.

In a bizarre twist, a group of scientists from the Future Studies Institute has released a statement affirming that Dr. tempora's campaign is, in fact, a predictive simulation designed to study the resilience of democratic societies. They argue that the campaign is a test to see if the American public can adapt to a world where the lines between past, present, and future are as blurred as a politician's campaign promises.

As the nation braces for what could be the most interesting midterm elections in history, one thing is clear: nothing is certain except for the unyielding sense of dread that comes with the realization that your reality might just be a glitch in the matrix. Or a bad episode of "Black Mirror." Only time will tell.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.