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In a shocking turn of events, Capitol Hill descended into a raucous brawl today as a faction of Republican lawmakers, led by the enigmatic Representative FistBump McFuror, vehemently contested President PantSuits' constitutional authority. The controversy, which has sent shockwaves through the nation's political landscape, erupted over the President's recent executive order, "The Great American Sock Puppet Act," aimed at regulating the use of sock puppets in political debates.

The act, which was passed without the customary fanfare of a Rose Garden ceremony or a prime-time address, sparked immediate outrage among the Republican bloc. McFuror, flanked by a motley crew of senators sporting mismatched socks, declared, "This is a blatant overreach of executive power! The President, sworn to uphold the Constitution, now seeks to dictate the manner in which Americans engage in the sacred act of political debate!"

The ensuing debate, which quickly devolved into a food fight with ketchup-laden fries as ammunition, saw lawmakers on both sides of the aisle flinging accusations and culinary delights with equal fervor. The Sergeant at Arms was forced to deploy the emergency bagel brigade to quell the chaos, while Capitol Police looked on, shaking their heads in disbelief.

Meanwhile, in a rare display of bipartisan solidarity, the Democratic caucus rallied behind the President, with the charismatic Senator Pancake, wielding a syrup-filled squirt gun, proclaiming, "The President's mandate to curb the influence of sock puppets is a necessary step to preserve the integrity of our democratic discourse!"

As the dust settled and the last of the flying doughnuts was corralled, a resolution was proposed to hold a formal debate on the matter. However, the motion was met with resistance from both sides, with McFuror arguing, "A debate? On a matter this grave? We need a more hands-on approach! Perhaps a series of duels, with the winner's policy becoming law!"

In a surprising twist, the President herself emerged from the Oval Office, clad in a pair of festive, flag-adorned socks, and suggested, "Why not a national sock puppet contest to determine the fate of the act? Let the people decide!"

As the nation braces for the unfolding spectacle, one thing is clear: the political landscape has never been so colorfully contentious. Stay tuned for further developments, and remember, in politics, it seems, the only thing more polarizing than the issues themselves are the socks we wear to debate them.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.