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In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, it has come to light that Congress' newly unveiled "Dystopian Disaster Plan" is, in fact, a high-stakes political satire masterpiece. The plan, which outlines a series of catastrophic scenarios ranging from asteroid impacts to zombie apocalypses, was initially met with widespread panic and confusion. However, upon closer examination, it became clear that the document was less a serious emergency protocol and more a comedic allegory to the current state of political gridlock.

The plan, authored by the newly formed (and suspiciously named) "Committee for the Preservation of Oblivious Nations," includes such pearls of wisdom as "When faced with an unstoppable force, congressmen should huddle together for protection and recite the Constitution in unison," and "In the event of a zombie uprising, members are advised to prioritize selfies with the undead over legislative action."

The committee's chairperson, the eloquently named Senator Pancake (R-Satire), defended the plan by stating, "Our intention was to highlight the absurdity of our current political climate by showing how ill-prepared we are to face real crises. It's only through satire that we can address the elephant in the room – or should I say, the zombie in the chamber."

Meanwhile, Senator Muffin (D-Irony) added, "This plan is a clear indication that our political games have reached new heights of farce. If we can't take real action on pressing issues, let's at least take action on taking action – even if it's in the context of a hypothetical dystopian disaster."

The public, initially outraged, has since embraced the plan as a darkly humorous commentary on the state of American governance. Social media erupted with memes and fan theories about which scenario would finally break the deadlock, with many arguing that a full-scale alien invasion would be the only event capable of uniting the House and Senate in a common cause.

As the nation chuckles nervously at the thought of relying on their elected officials during an actual disaster, one thing is clear: Congress' "Dystopian Disaster Plan" is, in itself, a disaster – but perhaps exactly the kind of disaster that's needed to shake up the status quo. After all, if you can't laugh in the face of impending doom, what can you laugh at?

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.