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WASHINGTON D.C. - In a shocking turn of events, the Supreme Court has unanimously ruled in favor of a new piece of legislation that aims to alter the very fabric of elections in the United States. The bill, known as the "Election Emancipation Act," has sparked outrage among the scientific community, who argue that it goes against the fundamental principles of physics and mathematics.

"This is a dark day for science," said Dr. Maria Rodriguez, a leading expert in electoral dynamics. "The Act seeks to manipulate the very fabric of democracy, by allowing politicians to alter the rules of the game at will. It's like a game of political roulette, where the odds are always in favor of the house."

The Election Emancipation Act, which was passed by Congress last month, gives politicians the power to unilaterally change the rules of elections, including the number of votes needed to win, the types of votes that count, and even the rules for voting itself.

But the Act doesn't stop there. It also seeks to introduce new forms of voting, such as "fast food" voting, where voters can cast their ballots in quick, convenient locations, and "online" voting, where voters can cast their ballots from the comfort of their own homes.

"This is a recipe for disaster," warned Dr. Rodriguez. "By removing the need for in-person voting, we're opening the door to all sorts of mischief. Imagine if a politician could change the rules of the game in the middle of an election, just to suit their own interests."

The Act also seeks to introduce "proxy" voting, where voters can assign someone else to cast their ballot on their behalf.

"This is a direct attack on the very foundations of democracy," said Dr. Rodriguez. "How can we trust the results of an election if we don't even know who's casting the votes?"

Despite the outcry, the Supreme Court has ruled in favor of the Act, saying that it is a "constitutional right" for politicians to manipulate the electoral process.

"We're essentially giving politicians the power to hold an election whenever they want, and in whatever way they want," said Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg in a statement. "It's a little unsettling, but it's also a little exciting. Who knows what the future of elections will hold?"

The Act has been hailed as a victory for politicians, who can now change the rules of the game to suit their own interests. But the scientific community remains skeptical, saying that the Act goes against the fundamental principles of physics and mathematics.

"This is a dark day for democracy," said Dr. Rodriguez. "But we'll be damned if we're going to let politicians ruin the only game we've got."

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.