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In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Capitol Hill and the living rooms of America, the Government has unveiled its latest and most dystopian disaster response plan to date. Dubbed "Operation Doomsday Prepper," the plan, which was inadvertently leaked to the public by a rogue intern who mistook it for a satirical script, outlines a series of events that would see the nation's economy plummet into a black hole of debt from which not even the most fervent prayers to the patron saint of accountants could save us.

According to the leaked documents, in the event of a catastrophic disaster, the Government plans to mobilize a fleet of robot tax collectors, equipped with the latest in artificial intelligence and emotional manipulation software, to ensure that even in the midst of chaos and destruction, taxes will not go unpaid. These mechanical marvels, affectionately named "Taxbots," are designed to remind citizens of their fiscal responsibilities, often with a cheerful, "Hey there, human! Just a friendly reminder that even though the world is ending, it's still tax season!"

The plan also includes the construction of a colossal, underground bunker, funded by the combined life savings of every American, where the nation's leaders will ride out the apocalypse in opulent luxury. The bunker, which has been outfitted with a golf course, a gourmet dining hall serving organic, non-GMO cuisine, and a spa offering a range of rejuvenating treatments, will be the epitome of survivalist chic.

Moreover, the Government has allocated a significant portion of the national budget to the development of a new currency, the "Dystopian Dollar," which will be backed not by gold or silver, but by the sheer power of irony. Economists are split on the viability of this currency, with the more optimistic predicting a boom in the economy, while the pessimists fear it will lead to a new era of hyperinflation where a single latte could cost a small country.

In a statement, Government spokesperson, Press Taylor, assured the public that "Operation Doomsday Prepper" is not a dystopian disaster response plan, but rather a forward-thinking, proactive measure to ensure the continuity of government services, even in the face of cosmic-scale events. "We're not preparing for the end," Taylor said with a straight face. "We're preparing for the after-party."

As the nation grapples with the implications of this revelation, citizens are left to wonder if the Government's plan is a masterstroke of fiscal responsibility or a satirical indictment of our current economic policies. One thing is certain: when the dust settles, we'll all be laughing... or will we be crying in a pool of our own Dystopian Dollars? Only time will tell.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.