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In a stunning display of judicial acrobatics, the United States Supreme Court has just ruled that all natural disasters, henceforth, must be declared by a unanimous vote among its nine justices. This groundbreaking decision comes after a heated debate over who gets the rights to the lucrative 'Disaster Response Game' (DRG), a new interactive experience where players simulate the aftermath of catastrophic events for virtual points.

The game, developed by a mysterious coalition known as 'The Partisan Playmakers,' has become a sensation among both Republicans and Democrats, who find it an excellent way to 'relax and enjoy the chaos' after a long day of political wrangling. The Supreme Court's decision was influenced by a recent incident where a tornado touched down in the heart of Gamer's Grove, a small town whose residents are all avid DRG players. The town's mayor, Gaming Gonzales, declared the tornado a 'Level 5 Catastrophe,' thereby unlocking a rare in-game achievement called 'Weather Whiz.'

The ruling has sparked a new wave of political strategy, with both parties realizing that controlling the weather could potentially give them an edge in the DRG leaderboards. As a result, bipartisan negotiations have begun in the hallowed halls of Capitol Hill, not to address pressing issues like healthcare or the economy, but to devise a plan to ensure their respective teams always have the upper hand in the game.

In a related development, the National Weather Service has been rebranded as the 'National Weather and Windfall Service,' as forecasters are now tasked with predicting not only the path of hurricanes but also the potential points that could be scored by players in affected areas. The service has also introduced a new weather pattern called the 'Political Storm System,' which is characterized by sudden shifts in atmospheric conditions, mirroring the volatile political climate.

As the nation grapples with the implications of this new reality, one thing is clear: the next natural disaster could very well be the ultimate game-changer, both literally and figuratively.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.