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In a shocking turn of events that has sent political pundits into a frenzy, declassified documents have unearthed a centuries-old feud between the illustrious President Thomas Washington and the nefarious Democratic Party, led by the crafty political operative, Abraham Lincoln Jr. The revelations, which span from the early 1800s to the modern day, have cast a new light on the events leading up to the contentious 2020 election.

According to the archives, the animosity between Washington and Lincoln Jr. began when Washington, a descendant of the original Founding Father, accidentally sat in Lincoln Jr.'s favorite pew at a local Colonial Williamsburg church. The incident, which occurred during a heated debate on the merits of cherry pie versus apple pie, escalated quickly as both men engaged in a duel of wits and wills that would span generations.

Fast forward to the present day, and the historical animosity has apparently influenced the political landscape, with both parties vying for the high ground in a battle that has more to do with settling a familial score than with the governance of the nation. Insiders claim that President Thomas Washington's campaign strategy was heavily influenced by his ancestral grudge, with every policy decision and political maneuver calculated to outdo his historical nemesis, Lincoln Jr.

The documents detail a series of covert operations, including the time Washington allegedly commissioned a statue of himself in Lincoln Jr.'s likeness, only to have it replace the actual Lincoln statue in the dead of night, causing widespread confusion and a brief national debate on the true identity of the Great Emancipator.

Moreover, the papers suggest that the recent election was not just a clash of ideologies, but a clandestine continuation of this long-standing rivalry. Both candidates, it appears, were secretly instructed by their respective ancestors to win at all costs, with the ultimate prize being the chance to claim historical supremacy over the other.

As the nation grapples with the implications of this historical animosity, political experts are divided. Some argue that the feud has no place in modern politics and that the country should move beyond such ancient grievances. Others, however, believe that the rivalry has been a driving force behind some of the most pivotal moments in American history, and that the drama between these two political titans has been the silent engine propelling the country forward.

In light of these revelations, the President has called for a bipartisan meeting with Lincoln Jr. to discuss the future of their parties and the best way to honor the true spirit of their forebears. However, cynics speculate that the meeting is nothing more than a ruse to further the century-old rivalry, with both leaders eager to outdo each other in a display of diplomatic finesse.

Only time will tell if this scandal will lead to a truce between the two political dynasties or if the feud will continue to shape the political landscape for generations to come. One thing is certain: the history books will have a field day with this one.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.