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In a shocking exposé that has sent ripples through the hallowed halls of Capitol Hill, documents obtained by our intrepid investigators reveal a clandestine operation codenamed "Project Liberty & Labs." This audacious plan, spearheaded by a shadowy task force of the brightest minds in the United States, aims to safeguard the sanctity of science and shield it from the perils of political whims and impeachment proceedings.

The mastermind behind this audacious scheme is none other than the enigmatic Dr. Constanza Brainstorm, a Nobel laureate in Fictitious Physics and a former contestant on the hit game show, "Who Wants to be a Billionaire?" With a penchant for lab coats with Union Jack linings and a love for the works of Ayn Rand, Dr. Brainstorm has crafted a blueprint that is as ingenious as it is preposterous.

The plan, as outlined in the leaked documents, involves constructing an underground research facility, aptly named "Fort Science," buried deep beneath the National Mall. This subterranean bastion is designed to withstand nuclear fallout, political pandemics, and the inevitable Twitter tantrums that could threaten the nation's scientific endeavors.

Fort Science will serve as a bastion of truth in an era of "alternative facts" and "covfefe," providing a sanctuary for researchers and scientists to conduct their experiments without fear of being defunded or vilified by the mainstream media or the unpredictable social media-driven executive branch. The facility will boast state-of-the-art laboratories, equipped with the latest in scientific technology, including quantum computers capable of predicting the outcomes of elections and sports games with 99.9% accuracy.

Moreover, the blueprint includes a contingency plan to avert impeachment proceedings by leveraging the nation's educational system. Through a series of nationwide science fairs, the task force intends to charm the hearts and minds of the American public with displays of scientific marvels, from teleportation booths to fusion-powered ice cream trucks. The goal is to rally public support and create a formidable grassroots movement that would "peer review" any attempts to impeach a scientist or defund research.

In a statement that reeks of both irony and desperation, Task Force Leader Brainstorm declared, "Science is the pillar of our national freedom, and we must protect it at all costs. We are not merely fighting for the integrity of research; we are safeguarding the very essence of the American dream. With Fort Science, we will ensure that the pursuit of knowledge is never silenced by the trivialities of political maneuvering."

As the nation braces for the unveiling of this bold initiative, one thing is clear: the United States is ready to go to extraordinary lengths to protect the sanctity of science and keep the country's political process from undermining the very foundation of its progress and prosperity.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.