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In a shocking turn of events that has left political pundits and citizens alike reeling, it has been revealed that the campaign of the charismatic futurist, President Zeno of Tomorrow, Inc., has been mired in controversy. The campaign, which had promised a bold leap into a technologically advanced utopia, now stands accused of engaging in the most retro of activities: good old-fashioned corruption.

At the heart of the scandal is the allegation that President Zeno's campaign received funding from a shadowy organization known as "The Time-Traveling PAC." This group, which claims to have members who have lived through the trials and tribulations of various epochs, was rumored to have funneled money into the campaign's coffers in exchange for favors that would benefit their inter-temporal interests.

The scandal deepened when a leaked memo, which appears to be from the future (judged by its holographic font and quantum encryption), suggested that President Zeno had agreed to prioritize the development of a "Temporal Displacement Device" over more pressing issues like healthcare and education. The memo, which was signed by a man who claims to be the 21st-century reincarnation of Thomas Edison, outlined a plan to exploit the device for personal gain, including but not limited to, altering historical events to ensure President Zeno's victory in every election he contests.

Furthermore, sources close to the investigation claim that the campaign had engaged in a clandestine operation to purchase ancient artifacts rumored to possess the power to influence the collective unconscious of the American public, thus ensuring their candidate's victory through a form of psychological manipulation that would make even the most seasoned mad scientist blush.

As if this were not enough, it has also come to light that President Zeno's team had considered deploying a fleet of drone bats to surveil political opponents and the press, a move that would not only be a violation of privacy but also an affront to the sanctity of batkind.

In response to these allegations, President Zeno's campaign has released a statement that can only be described as a masterpiece of Orwellian double-speak. The statement reads, in part, "We have always been at war with Eurasia. And don't you forget it."

The public is left to wonder if this is yet another elaborate ruse by the campaign to distract from the real issues, or if indeed the future has found a way to intervene in the present, with all the unpredictable consequences that entails.

As the investigation continues, one thing is clear: the line between the futuristic and the fraudulent has become as blurred as the temporal implications of a Displacement Device run amok. The only certainty is that, in the United States of America, the pursuit of power knows no bounds—not even the bounds of time and space.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.