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In a move that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of the United States Government, the recently impeached President D. W. Crankshaft has unveiled an ambitious plan to overhaul the nation's taxation system. The plan, which Crankshaft claims will "Make America's Pockets Great Again," is said to involve a series of controversial initiatives that promise to reshape the country's political and economic landscape.

At the heart of Crankshaft's proposal is the introduction of a new tax bracket, affectionately dubbed the "Teflon Bracket," designed specifically for the politically unassailable. This bracket, which sources close to the President assure us is not at all a veiled attempt to exempt himself and his fellow impeachees from future tax obligations, would reportedly see individuals earning over $10 million a year paying a mere 1% tax rate.

But that's not all. Crankshaft's plan also includes the "Patriotic Penny-Pinching Act," which aims to slash corporate taxes by an additional 50%, further incentivizing companies to relocate their headquarters to tax haven states like Delaware. The Act's name, a source confided, is intended to evoke a sense of fiscal patriotism, as corporations "pinch pennies" to "protect the American dream."

In a bid to ensure bipartisan support for his taxation overhaul, Crankshaft has also proposed the "Grand Bargain Bridge," a metaphorical structure intended to connect fiscal conservatives with social liberals. This bridge, which some critics have likened to a "political mirage," promises to fund universal healthcare and free college education using the influx of revenue from the aforementioned tax cuts.

The President's detractors have denounced the plan as a "financial magic trick," with one disgruntled Congressperson declaring, "This is not tax reform; it's tax voodoo!" Meanwhile, supporters have hailed Crankshaft as a visionary, a modern-day Robin Hood, albeit one who apparently believes that robbing from the Treasury is the most efficient way to redistribute wealth.

As the nation braces for what promises to be a fiery debate over the future of its taxation system, one thing is clear: the impeached President's political strategy is anything but dull. With his latest proposal, Crankshaft has managed to turn the concept of taxation into the most talked-about reality show since "Survivor: Capitol Hill." Only time will tell if this political spectacle will end with a grand finale or a shocking twist.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.