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In a stunning twist of events that would make George Orwell nod in approval, the United States has officially entered a dystopian phase of its existence, where elections are no longer battles of ideas but aren't-they-caught-yet games. The latest chapter in this unfolding drama involves the unexpected impeachment of President Richard "Clean Hands" Washington, who was caught red-handed (or rather, red-fingered) in a high-stakes game of political hot potato with the foreign electoral interference agency, ElectInterfereCo.

In a bizarre turn of events, evidence surfaced that President Washington had not only accepted a "generous" campaign donation from ElectInterfereCo but had also promised to introduce a series of legislative measures that would make their nefarious activities legal. The measures, which included bills like the "Shenanigans Encouragement Act" and the "International Interference Friendship Pact," were designed to make it impossible for future elections to be fair, thereby ensuring President Washington's party would hold power in perpetuity.

The ironically named "Clean Hands" was impeached not for the corruption itself but for the audacity to get caught. The nation watched in awe as the president, in a last-ditch effort to save face, claimed that the donation was actually a "gift basket" for the first family and that the measures were merely "creative legislative proposals" that could benefit the country. His defense team, led by the infamous lawyer Slippery Pete Muckraker, argued that since ElectInterfereCo operates out of a tax haven on the fictional island of Moneybeard, they are technically beyond the jurisdiction of the United States and thus, their interference is a non-issue.

As the impeachment trial unfolds, the American public is left to wonder if this is indeed the beginning of the end for their democracy or just another episode in the long-running reality show known as American politics. Meanwhile, the opposition party, led by the charismatic and slightly unstable Senator Bipolar Chaos, has promised to "drain the swamp" by filling it with even more alligators, claiming this will somehow lead to cleaner waters.

In a final act of irony, as President Washington prepares to face the music, the public is treated to a spectacle of bipartisan support for a new bill: the "Every Politician's a Crook Act," which aims to protect politicians from future impeachments based on campaign finance violations. The bill's sponsor, Representative Fanny Pack, explained that the measure is necessary to "clear up any confusion" about what is and isn't acceptable in American politics.

As the nation holds its breath, waiting to see how this chapter of American history will be written, one thing is certain: the plot twists are only just beginning.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.