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In an unprecedented turn of events, sources close to the Capitol have exclusively revealed to our publication that the United States Constitution has been caught in the middle of a high-stakes political game, orchestrated by the Senate during the recent impeachment proceedings.

According to our highly placed sources, the venerable document, which has been the bedrock of American democracy since 1787, was inadvertently pulled into a clandestine poker game among Senators, who are said to have wagered on the outcome of the impeachment vote. The stakes were reportedly sky-high, with bets on the precise number of 'aye's and 'nay's, and the duration it would take for the vote to be cast.

The Constitution, it seems, was used as a makeshift poker chip, with the Bill of Rights serving as the joker card, and the Declaration of Independence as the wild card. The Senate's gaming tables were adorned with parchment-replica decks, and the chamber was abuzz with whispers of potential impeachment outcomes, intermingled with the clatter of chips and the nervous shuffling of the Founding Fathers' original work.

In a statement, the Senate spokesperson, Senator Fancy-Pants Rinfrement, vehemently denied the allegations, claiming that the documents were merely being 'studied' for their 'historical relevance and legal implications.' However, eyewitness accounts and a leaked surveillance footage from the Senate's secret 'War Room' suggest otherwise.

The footage, which has since gone viral on the dark web, shows Senator Pocket-Lint Punditshaw, a noted gambler and political strategist, teaching his colleagues a new card game, 'House of Cards,' which, coincidentally, features a deck of cards illustrated with the faces of all living former presidents and Supreme Court justices.

As the nation grapples with the revelation that the very document designed to protect its liberties and rights was treated as a gambling prop, constitutional scholars, political pundits, and average citizens alike are left to ponder the implications of this latest scandal. Will this incident lead to a renewed appreciation for the Constitution, or will it be just another footnote in the annals of political theater?

In a related development, a GoFundMe campaign has been launched to purchase a set of Monopoly game pieces for the Senate, in the hopes that they will provide a more suitable and less sacred object for their political wagers in the future. Meanwhile, a petition is circulating to have the Constitution replaced as the nation's guiding document with a more durable material, such as polyurethane, for better wear and tear in the rigors of political gamesmanship.

Stay tuned as this story develops, and remember, in politics, truth is often the first casualty.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.