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In a shocking turn of events, sources close to the secretive "Committee of Enlightened Legislators" (COL) have leaked a draft of a new bill that promises to "revolutionize" the way Americans pay taxes. The bill, affectionately named the "Astronomical Deductions and Innovative Tributes Act" (ADITA), has sparked a frenzy of speculation and outrage across the political spectrum.

The ADITA bill, authored by the enigmatic Senator Galactic and co-sponsored by the always-controversial Senator FiscalCliff, proposes a groundbreaking idea: taxpayers can deduct their entire income if they can prove they have contributed to scientific advancement. This includes discoveries, research, and any work that "advances the collective understanding of the universe."

However, the catch is as audacious as it is controversial. To claim this deduction, scientists must agree to a government-appointed "Scientific Oversight Panel" (SOP), which will oversee and potentially redirect their research towards areas deemed "beneficial to the nation's interests." This has raised eyebrows and concerns among the scientific community, who fear this could lead to an infringement on scientific freedom.

The bill's proponents argue that this is a masterstroke of political strategy, as it will incentivize the brightest minds to work in fields that could bring about the next industrial revolution, potentially securing America's status as the world's leading superpower. Critics, on the other hand, argue that this is a veiled attempt to control scientific research and stifle innovation.

One unnamed senator close to the COL committee was heard saying, "We're not just rewriting the tax code; we're redefining the very essence of scientific inquiry. We're creating a new paradigm where the government and science coalesce into a harmonious symphony of progress and prosperity."

Meanwhile, the astrophysics community is up in arms, with renowned physicist Dr. Stella Nova stating, "This is a slippery slope. If the government starts dictating the direction of scientific research, we might as well start wearing lab coats with the American flag embroidered on them."

As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the ADITA bill is set to shake the foundations of both taxation and scientific freedom. The question is, will America embrace this bold new vision, or will it be another star-crossed attempt to blend fiscal policy with scientific integrity? Stay tuned as this story develops faster than light.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.