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In a stunning display of bipartisan camaraderie that would make even the most seasoned political cynics weep tears of joy, the newly proposed "Disaster Interception through Gamification and Science" (DIGS) Act has emerged from the murky depths of Capitol Hill. This groundbreaking legislation, sponsored by the unlikely duo of Senator Gamestick (D-Virtual Reality) and Senator Sci-Do (R-New Ideas), aims to revolutionize the way the United States responds to natural disasters by harnessing the power of mobile gaming and scientific research.

The DIGS Act, which has been lauded by both sides of the aisle as the most progressive piece of legislation since the invention of sliced bread, will require every American citizen to own at least one smartphone and subscribe to a government-approved mobile game that uses predictive science to anticipate natural disasters. The game, aptly named "Doomsday Divert," will simulate natural disasters in real-time, allowing players to apply scientific principles to mitigate catastrophic events through virtual intervention.

"Think of it as a form of crowd-sourced predictive modeling," explained Senator Sci-Do, wearing a lab coat that appeared to have been borrowed from a mad scientist. "We're essentially turning the country into a massive supercomputer, with each player's actions contributing to the collective intelligence needed to predict and prevent disasters."

Meanwhile, Senator Gamestick chimed in, "Not only will this keep our citizens entertained and engaged, but it will also give a whole new meaning to the term 'casual gaming.' It's the ultimate multiplayer experience, where the stakes are higher than your character's level cap."

In a related development, the DIGS Act also mandates that all future scientific research must be conducted in collaboration with the mobile gaming industry. This partnership will ensure that the games are not only fun but also scientifically accurate and useful. As a result, researchers will be encouraged to explore innovative ways to integrate their findings into the gameplay, making science sexy and accessible to the masses.

Democratic and Republican leaders have hailed the DIGS Act as a masterstroke of bipartisanship and innovation, with one unnamed source commenting, "This bill is the first step towards a utopian future where science and entertainment merge to create a safer, more engaged, and possibly more obese society."

Critics of the bill, however, have raised concerns about privacy, the potential for increased screen time, and the possibility of a new kind of digital divide. But supporters of the DIGS Act argue that these are mere speed bumps on the road to a more technologically advanced and disaster-resilient nation.

As the DIGS Act makes its way through the legislative process, Americans are bracing themselves for a new era where their gaming habits might just save the world—or at least their favorite beachfront property.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.