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In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, sources deep within the bowels of the House of Representatives have leaked documents detailing a dystopian strategy intended to polarize the chamber and fuel the ongoing war debate. The documents, which bear the ominous title "Operation Bipartisan Extinction," outline a series of outrageous and satirical initiatives designed to pit lawmakers against one another in a no-holds-barred battle for ideological supremacy.

The first prong of this dystopian strategy involves the creation of a "Satirical News Network" (SNN), a fictional news outlet with the sole mission of disseminating highly exaggerated and ironic news stories that blur the lines between fact and fiction. SNN's content is designed to manipulate public opinion by promoting sensationalist narratives that cast both political parties in a negative light, thus eroding public trust and further polarizing the electorate.

In a related move, the strategy calls for the introduction of a series of "Hyperbolic Resolutions" in the House, which propose outlandish and satirical policies, such as the "National Fart Cloud Management Act of 2023." This bill, which is guaranteed to generate controversy, aims to regulate the emissions of flatulent gases and assign a "carbon fart footprint" to every American citizen, diverting the House's attention away from pressing issues like healthcare and education.

Furthermore, the documents suggest that certain lawmakers have been covertly trained in the art of "Ironical Oratory," a technique that involves delivering passionate and convincing speeches on topics of no real consequence, such as the merits of a "Space Force Marching Band." These performances are intended to showcase the absurdity of political grandstanding and serve as a distraction from substantive policy debates.

The final piece of the puzzle is the "Divide and Conquer" initiative, which encourages lawmakers to form alliances based on shared opposition to these satirical measures. In doing so, they inadvertently entrench the very divisions the strategy is designed to exploit, thereby ensuring a perpetual state of polarization within the House.

As the dust settles on this dystopian strategy, political analysts are left to ponder the implications of such a divisive and controversial approach to governance. What was once the world's greatest deliberative body now risks becoming a theater of the absurd, where the line between reality and satire is lost, and the business of the nation is conducted amidst a carnival of political spectacle.

In response to these revelations, a coalition of bipartisan lawmakers has called for an emergency session of the House Ethics Committee to investigate the origins and intent behind "Operation Bipartisan Extinction." Meanwhile, the American public is urged to remain vigilant and discerning in the face of such manipulative and polarizing tactics, lest they find themselves living in a satirical dystopia of their own making.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.