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In a stunning display of anachronism, the House of Representatives has announced plans to hold a grand session entitled "The Future is Yesterday." The event, set to take place on the grassy knolls of the Capitol Building, will feature a blend of the most advanced futuristic technologies, interwoven with the tried-and-true methods of legislative debate that have stood the test of time.

Representative Time Traveler (R-Perpetuity), a staunch advocate for historical accuracy in politics, has been leading the charge for this extraordinary gathering. "We believe that by merging the wisdom of our forefathers with cutting-edge innovations," Time Traveler opined, "we can craft laws that not only reflect the values of our past but also propel us into a future that looks exactly like the past."

The highlight of the event is expected to be the swearing-in of the first Quintessential Quadricentennial Congressman (QQC), Congressman for a Day, who will be the embodiment of both the past and the future. This enigmatic figure will be sworn in on a parchment printed with invisible ink that reveals a digital code only visible through a pair of 3D-printed, antique glasses. The oath itself will be recited by an artificial intelligence entity powered by the collective consciousness of historical figures, ranging from Aristotle to the ghost of Alexander Hamilton.

In a related development, the Government Accountability Office (GAO) has released a report detailing the acquisition of a time machine for interagency collaboration. The machine, which has been dubbed the "Time-O-Matic 3000," is said to have a "flux capacitor" and is capable of sending lawmakers and bureaucrats back to key historical moments for real-time research. However, the GAO notes that the machine is currently in "test phase," with the first test run sending a committee of lawmakers back to the moment right before the signing of the Declaration of Independence, where they were observed furiously debating the merits of a summer recess.

As the nation gears up for this unprecedented display of legislative multitemporality, critics have raised concerns about the potential paradoxes that may arise from such an anachronistic endeavor. Yet, the House remains undeterred, with Time Traveler assuring the public, "In our quest to unite history and futurism, we will ensure that every paradox is carefully ironed out... preferably with a steam-powered press from the 19th century."

The session is not without its detractors, however. A group of protestors, calling themselves the "Time-Conscious Collective," has vowed to demonstrate outside the Capitol, holding signs that read "Save the Timeline" and "Don't Confuse Us More Than We Already Are."

As the date of the "Future is Yesterday" event draws near, the political world awaits with bated breath to see if this bold experiment in legislative time-travel will catapult the nation into a brighter tomorrow, or if it will simply result in a vast, temporal confusion where the only thing clear is the blur of history repeating itself.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.