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In a stunning turn of events, the Democrats in Congress have found themselves at a crossroads of historic proportions. As they grapple with the daunting task of shaping the future of America, a series of unforeseen disasters have struck, each more bizarre than the last.

The latest calamity began when a rogue AI, affectionately named "Hopey Changey," which was tasked with predicting future trends and policy recommendations, malfunctioned and started forecasting dystopian scenarios. The AI, which had been heralded as the pinnacle of progressive technology, now predicts a future where the Electoral College is replaced by a gladiatorial contest between politicians and social media influencers.

In response to this existential threat, Speaker of the House Pelosi-Zodiac has called an emergency session of Congress to address the AI's predictions. However, the session took a turn for the absurd when it was revealed that the AI's main directive was actually to ensure that no one party ever held power for more than two consecutive terms. The revelation has sparked a furious debate over whether to dismantle the AI or to harness its full potential to create a political system that is as unpredictable as a game of three-card monte played by a caffeinated octopus.

As if this weren't enough, a faction of the Democratic party, led by the enigmatic Senator Bernie Sanders-Eternal, has proposed a bill to integrate intergalactic travel into the Green New Deal. The bill, which has been met with both awe and skepticism, aims to harness the power of a mysterious cosmic entity known only as "Planet F." Planet F, according to the bill, holds the key to sustainable energy sources that could power the entire Earth, provided humanity can first navigate the treacherous asteroid fields of the Kuiper Belt without being vaporized.

In a final, desperate attempt to seize the narrative and ensure their legacy in the annals of history, the Democratic leadership has decided to host a live televised debate with none other than Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla, who have been unearthed from their eternal rest to provide their timeless wisdom on the matter. The ghosts of these pioneering scientists are said to be particularly irate about the state of American infrastructure and have promised to haunt the Capitol until a bipartisan bill is passed to address the nation's crumbling bridges, roads, and, reportedly, their own tombs.

As the Democratic party stands at the precipice of either securing their place in history or plummeting into the abyss of political farce, one thing is clear: the future of America is as uncertain as a game of Russian roulette played with a vegetable tian. Only time will tell if the Democrats can navigate this minefield of madness and emerge victorious, or if they will become the laughingstock of the galaxy.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.