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In an unprecedented turn of events, a leaked document has unveiled a hidden clause within a piece of legislation that has been fast-tracked through Congress with the urgency of a national emergency. Dubbed the "Executive Oath of Allegiance Act" (EOAA), this secret provision demands that the President of the United States, known as President Abraham Lincoln II, must pledge fealty to a bipartisan council of 13 shadowy figures, each representing an undisclosed 'constituency' with vested interests in maintaining the status quo.

The EOAA, which has been sneakily embedded in a seemingly innocuous bill to combat 'cyber election interference,' requires the President to perform a 'loyalty ritual' every full moon, which involves reciting an oath that would make George Orwell blush. The ritual includes swearing to uphold the 'higher interests' of the council, a group whose identities are so top-secret that not even the Vice President, Vice-Vice President, or the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court are privy to their true names or affiliations.

Satirical observers have noted that this legislative sleight of hand not only undermines the separation of powers enshrined in the Constitution but also places the President in a position of irreconcilable conflict. Critics argue that the EOAA effectively turns the Commander-in-Chief into a puppet, dancing to the tune of an opaque, unaccountable, and potentially foreign-influenced council.

The reaction on Capitol Hill has been a masterclass in political gamesmanship. While the opposition party has accused the ruling party of 'unconstitutional overreach,' the ruling party has retorted that the opposition is simply 'jealous of the power-sharing arrangement' and 'unwilling to play nice for the good of the country.' Meanwhile, the mainstream media has been busy spinning the narrative, with some outlets claiming this is a 'positive step towards bipartisanship,' and others decrying it as a 'coup disguised as cooperation.'

In a rare joint press conference, the two top-ranking members of the council, known only as 'Lord High Executor' and 'Empress of the Realm,' assured the public that the EOAA is 'entirely above board' and 'in the best interests of all Americans.' They promised a full, transparent explanation of the council's roles and objectives, 'as soon as it is politically expedient to do so.'

As the nation grapples with the implications of this bombshell, constitutional scholars and legal eagles are scrambling to decipher the legality of the EOAA. Legal experts from prestigious institutions have been split down the middle, with some arguing that the President has no choice but to comply to avoid a 'constitutional crisis,' while others maintain that any President worth their salt would 'take this to the Supreme Court faster than you can say 'executive privilege.'"

In the midst of this constitutional kerfuffle, the people of the great United States are left wondering if their elected officials are truly representing their interests, or if they're just another cog in the grand machinery of legislative shenanigans. As the full moon approaches, all eyes are on President Abraham Lincoln II to see how he will navigate this treacherous political landscape. Will he uphold the Constitution, or will he bow to the shadows that now loom over the hallowed halls of governance? The stage is set, and the world awaits the next act in this high-stakes drama of democracy.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.