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In a move that has left the nation both bewildered and entertained, President Jack Handy has signed into law the "National Stability through Limited Entertainment Act," effectively banning all mobile games that have garnered more than two million active users globally. The sweeping legislation, which was hurriedly passed through Congress during a late-night session, has sparked a flurry of debate and memes across the country.

Citing concerns that these games "hypnotize" citizens and "distract them from their civic duties," the President claimed that the nation's mental health was at stake. "We are a society on the brink of collapse due to our excessive love affair with Candy Crush," he stated in a press conference, his face stern yet twinkling with mischief.

The legislation, which has been dubbed "Handy's Gamer Ban," has sparked outrage among gaming enthusiasts and has become a central issue in the ongoing election campaign. Opponents argue that the President is using the ban as a smokescreen to distract voters from more pressing issues. "It's an egregious overreach," claimed Senator Joystick, a known gaming aficionado and a vocal opponent of the ban. "Next, he'll be banning laughter because he can't take a joke."

In a surprising turn of events, the President's campaign team has embraced the ban, launching a series of merchandise, including "Handy's Approved Game Guides" and Presidenttial Game Controllers" that only play approved titles. The guides, which come with a hefty price tag, promise to help citizens "reclaim their lives" from the clutches of virtual candy and match-three puzzles.

The Government has also announced the formation of a new department, the "Ministry of Fun," tasked with regulating all forms of leisure and ensuring that citizens are only engaging in activities that "promote national well-being." The ministry's first initiative will be to introduce a new national pastime: manual wheat grinding.

As the nation grapples with the implications of the ban, many are left wondering if this is all a grand political strategy to win over a segment of the voter base. Meanwhile, a group of rogue developers has started an underground movement to create games that can only be accessed through top-secret QR codes, ensuring the survival of mobile gaming in the most clandestine of ways.

The scene is set for a showdown between the Government and the people, with the fate of mobile gaming hanging in the balance. One thing is for certain: the upcoming election will be anything but boring.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.