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In a spectacle of political showmanship that would make Julius Caesar blush, the United States Senate has officially declared war on the concept of political term limits, introducing a bill that would allow Senators to serve indefinitely. Dubbed the "Eternal Senator Act" by political pundits and late-night comedians alike, the bill was introduced by the illustrious and venerable Senator Perpetua Longa (R-ET), who, despite being first elected in 1968, claims to have a "fresh pair of eyes" and "unparalleled vision" for the nation's future.

The timing of this legislative coup couldn't be more auspicious, as it coincides with the peak of campaign season. Political strategists are already rubbing their hands in glee, envisioning a world where the term "lame duck" becomes as obsolete as VHS tapes and dial-up internet connections. "This is a game-changer," proclaimed the always-prescient political analyst Faux Newsom on his nationally syndicated radio show. "With Senators no longer bound by the shackles of term limits, we're looking at a new era of unbridled political mastery and strategic legislative prowess."

Meanwhile, the Supreme Court has added fuel to the fire with a recent ruling that campaign contributions are not only free speech but the purest form of democracy money can buy. In a 5-4 decision, the court's majority, led by the enigmatic and often cryptic Justice Wealthy McBucks, argued that "the essence of democracy is the exchange of ideas, and what better way to exchange ideas than through the universal language of currency?"

The confluence of these two monumental events has created a perfect storm of political gamesmanship that would make even the most seasoned of game show hosts green with envy. As the Senate embarks on its quest to become an immortal legislative body, and the Supreme Court greenlights the unlimited purchasing of political influence, the American public can only sit back and watch as their representatives engage in a high-stakes game of political chess that could redefine the very essence of democracy.

In related news, a new board game has hit the shelves, aptly named "Political Chess: The Senate Edition." It features cardboard cutouts of Senator Perpetua Longa and Justice Wealthy McBucks, complete with removable dollar bill signs for the latter. The game's instructions promise endless replay value, as no two games will ever be the same thanks to the dynamic and ever-evolving political landscape.

As the nation braces itself for the unpredictable twists and turns of this unprecedented political spectacle, one thing is clear: the only constant in politics is change, and the only limit to campaign contributions is the capacity of one's bank account. God save the United States of America, for she surely needs it now more than ever.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.