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In a shocking turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the hallowed halls of Congress, a deep-seated corruption scandal has come to light, revealing that the esteemed members of the United States Congress have been running an underground gambling ring for the past two centuries. This revelation, which has been dubbed "Operation Capitol Wager," was uncovered by a team of intrepid historians with a knack for uncovering the most obscure of truths.

The scandal, which dates back to the very founding of the republic, implicates every single Congressperson from both sides of the aisle, including revered figures like Founding Father and avid dice player Alexander DeLaid, and more recent "statesmen" like the infamous Senator Bet Ray-mont, known for his annual "pork barrel roulette" tradition.

Details of the scandal emerged when a time capsule buried beneath the Capitol dome in 1826 was unearthed during a routine renovation. Inside, historians found an ancient betting slip, bearing the seal of the Continental Congress and a note scribbled in the margins that read, "Remember, the house always wins." Alongside the slip were a series of artifacts, including a set of antique dice, a well-worn deck of cards, and a mysterious golden idol, rumored to bring luck to the holder during games of chance.

The scandal has already led to a series of bipartisan bets being placed on the outcome of the investigation, with the odds being fiercely debated on the floors of the Senate and the House. Meanwhile, bookmakers have reported a surge in business, with Americans placing wagers on whether the scandal will lead to actual reform or if it will simply become another footnote in the annals of American political history.

In a stunning display of unity, both sides of the aisle have banded together to form a special "Select Committee on Congressional Gaming Integrity," chaired by the enigmatic Senator Wager "Wash"ington, a man known for his poker face and impeccable suits. The committee has vowed to get to the bottom of this scandal, which threatens to redefine the American political landscape as we know it.

As the nation holds its breath, the question on everyone's mind is: will this scandal finally lead to the overdue cleaning of the swamp, or is it just another game being played by the powers that be? Only time will tell, but one thing is for certain: the stakes have never been higher.

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This article was automagically written, and intended only for entertainment purposes.